The Art of Fighting Back

Tough Love!

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“Get your stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty ape!”
– Planet of the Apes

Have you come across a reprehensible, repugnant, repulsive, and revolting…down-right rotten person lately? If not, don’t worry – he’s waiting for you just around the corner. It’s almost as if God has sprinkled the world with losers and bullies to keep things interesting for the rest of us. Maybe it amuses Him to see how we handle them. Perhaps He wants to see if we handle them or they handle us.

The only way to be sure it’s the former rather than the latter is to keep your head. You have to handle the lug without them realizing they’ve been handled. Fortunately, lugs aren’t too swift – so this isn’t that hard.

[ Although I’m using the masculine pronoun in this instant, lugs have no gender preference. They’re just as apt to show up in a skirt as they are in pants! ]

“Never argue with fools. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

There is an absolute art to dealing with these people. What’s more, it can be more fun than a day at the amusement park.

BEHIND THE SCENES: My husband and I have always raised our daughters to think for themselves. Even when they were little, if they had a small problem, we would OF COURSE observe and step in when necessary, but we’d first see how they’d handle it. One of my husband’s favorite quotes is “If you give a man a fish, you’ve fed him for one meal. If you teach him how to fish, you’ve fed him for life.”

We have always had supreme confidence in our girls – confidence that just grows and grows each and every time they prove us right. That’s why we’ve always insisted that they think for themselves – form their own opinions, stand up for their beliefs, and not back down when they know they’re right.

I could type out instance after instance of times they’ve each grabbed life by its lapels and brought it around to their way of thinking, but I have lunch to make (as perfect as they are, they get pissy when they’re hungry. But perfectly pissy.)

I’m just going to use one example in today’s post. It comes courtesy of #2. About a year ago, she put up a fansite devoted to Ashlee Simpson. A young man began spamming the guestbook with awful, terrible things. I couldn’t help but be amused, because I knew that he was about to taste a bit of #2’s vengence. Bad deal.

She started just deleting his messages. He kept coming back (Don’t you love it when they beg.), each post getting meaner. So she e-mailed him, telling him how she was simply a fan trying to run a website, and asking him to please leave her site alone. Lugs don’t accept pleas from young girls. They’re far too classy for that. Sooo, each subsequent time he signed her guestbook, she edited. He got to keep his name, and yes, his much-ballyhooed e-mail address. But his message(s) told of his loneliness, his lack of love, how he couldn’t get a date if his life depended upon it, not with even the ugliest dog in town….how he only wished that Ashlee would love him, but how he knew he didn’t stand a chance.

The young man e-mailed #2 asking her to “please” delete all of his messages. He didn’t return to the guestbook. Young girls accept pleas from their conquests. They’re classy that way, so the messages were removed.

But do you know the amazing twist in the story. She still hears from this guy! Counts him amongst her online friends.

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!

Get Cooking!

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