How to Overcome Feelings of Loneliness

Mental Fitness

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Do you ever feel lonesome even when there are people all around you? I think we’ve all been there, at one time or another.

I think it comes down to this: We want people to share our interests with us. We tend to equate our interests and activities with life, in general. When people don’t have an expressed interest in our likes and dislikes, we understandably feel that we’re “all alone.”

Those of us who are only children don’t experience these feelings as strongly as others do. We’re, generally speaking, more “okay” with being alone than people who were raised with siblings. Yet even an only child can sometimes feel lonely – even with a house full of people.

The first thing, in my opinion, someone should do when they feel this way is to simply admit to themself that they feel lonely. It’s not throwing a pity party, it’s not playing the violin, it’s simply facing reality.

Once you admit that you’re lonely, the second thing you should do is to take the mountain to Mohammed. If someone won’t come to you… go to them. Show an interest in what intersts them and you may find new interests of you own. What’s more, chances are great that this person will drop in on your interests in return.

A third suggestion is to simply get so busy doing your own thing that it matters little to you if others are around or not. Find new interests and renew old ones. One thing is certain – the most interesting people in the world are those with the most interests. One trick ponies? Boringing! Open your miind, open your world.

Fourthly, be aware of something that I personally think is the number 1 deal breaker or deal maker when were dealing with ourselves: Self Talk. If your thoughts revolve around how lonely you are and you dwell on the word “lonely,” of course you’re going to feel sad. Who wouldn’t? It’s like someone sitting behind you, constantly whispering in your ear, “You are a lonely and sad person. The world mistreats you….” When we dwell on the same thought over and over, it makes it more real to us. The words sink so deep into our psyche that our mind believes the words must be true.

Do you see why it’s so important to watch what we say to ourselves?!?!

You are in control of these thoughts, even though it often feels that they’re in control of you. When you find yourself alone (either literally or figuratively), dwell on the following thoughts:

  • Solitude!  I can hear myself think.
  • It’s so peaceful when it’s quiet.
  • I can gather my thoughts better when no one’s distracting me.
  • Hmmm, what can I get into while no one’s here to bug me?!

After you’ve rooted positive thoughts into your psyche, you may find that you look forward to these moments of solitude.  You’ll find that they’re the perfect opportunity to think, pray, meditate, and get in touch with yourself.

Make each day count double,

~ Joi

2 comments… add one
  • Caroline West Link

    Hi, Joi, I have read many good points and ideas you listed on loneliness and they are giving me some new ways not only to cope with lonely feelings but tools I can use to cope further. I have amitted feeling lonely and busying does help-I just have to do activities more. I’m going to use my alone time to do things for me which I can’t do around others and feel more positive of my time alone. Thank you for this article. Caroline

  • Caroline,
    Thanks so much for your kind words. It helps a great deal to simply appreciate the quietness that comes from being alone.

    I home schooled my three daughters since they were “pre-schoolers.” Now that they’re gone a great deal (with jobs, boyfriends, college classes, etc…) and my husband works long hours, I find myself alone with my cat Alexa a great deal. It is taking a while to get used to it. I’ve had the company of giggles, girl talk, sister-ly squabbles, etc. for over 20 years! So now, the quietness can be overwhelming sometimes. If I didn’t have Alexa, I think I would go nuts!

    I simply use the time now, when everyone’s out of the house, to do things I wouldn’t do when they’re around – like yoga (Alexa loves yoga time!), working on my websites, watching whatever I want to on TV (without having to answer to anyone!) and so on. I’d still rather have my family around, of course, but I’m finding that life is rewarding and wonderful whether you are on stage alone or you have a supporting cast!

    Thanks again for the kind words!
    All my best,

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