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January 27, 2009 7 Comments

My Life in Mental Chains Author Ruth Hartman

My Life in Mental Chains by Ruth HartmanI’m so happy to have a guest author on Out of Bounds today. Her name is Ruth J. Hartman and her story is a very inspiring and motivational one.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I read or hear about someone taking on a personal battle, I sit forward in my seat. My eyes and attention fixate on the situation, as though I’m there beside them, wondering what they’re going to do. Will they back down, will they fight with all they have, will they fight for a while then give up?

When the person not only refuses to back down but refuses to give even an inch, I move to the edge of my seat.

When, like Ruth J. Hartman, they cause the enemy to tuck tail and run, I want to stand up and shout. When one person faces their battle and wins, it’s encouraging to all of us – the best kind of encouragement because it attests to the human spirit. I think what I love most about Ruth’s situation is that the battle didn’t make her bitter. It made her better.

But it didn’t stop there! She could have sat happily at home. But her heart and spirit went out to the thousands of other people who are struggling to find their way in the dark along the path she has, herself, taken.

She’s going back for them to show them the way!

Didn’t I Used To Be Normal?

By Ruth J. Hartman

Until I turned 27, I thought the weird things I did were normal. Didn’t everyone count their steps as they walked? Or “type” some of the words in their head as they said them or heard them? But a couple of weeks after my birthday, that all changed.

I’m a dental hygienist, so I work in spit and blood on a regular basis. That fact never really bothered me all that much before. Then one day, and I literally mean one day, that all changed. As I cleaned my treatment room after finishing one of my patients, bizarre thoughts entered my mind: What if I didn’t get the chair and equipment clean enough? What if my next patient contracted some disease from the patient who just exited my room? If that were to happen, I would be to blame. And then the ultimate in fearful thoughts occurred. What if I got some awful disease from one of my patients?

At that moment, I began to exhibit some of the classic signs of panic. I started to sweat profusely. My hands shook. I felt sick to my stomach. But that wasn’t all. Not only did I keep thinking about contamination and the cleanliness of my room, I physically couldn’t stop scrubbing every surface in sight. I’m not even sure how many times I wiped down everything. But every time I thought it was clean, doubts immediately zipped back into my head: What if I was wrong? What if I needed to clean it one more time? The only problem was, cleaning it once didn’t satisfy this new, alien need for perfection. The more I cleaned, the worse I felt. I was stuck in a repetitive loop. But stopping wasn’t an option. If that were to happen, there would be dire consequences for all involved.

For some, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is slight. More of an annoyance, really. But for me, my life was forever changed. What happened to me that day is a memory that’s seared into my brain. No one around me understood why I had changed. My husband couldn’t fathom why I was suddenly afraid to touch certain things, or go certain places. My family and friends tried to understand, but they couldn’t. And how could I expect them to, when I didn’t understand it either?

Blessedly, there is hope. Mine came in the form of medication and therapy. I began seeing my psychiatrist three times a week. Now I see him once a year. My first medication was Anafranil. Unfortunately, all it really did was cause me to gain ten pounds and be excessively sleepy. My next try, though, was the winner. Prozac, friend to many, including me, has been a daily staple in my life for 15 years.

So take heart, anyone who’s reading this. If you suffer from OCD, or mental illness in any form, please don’t give up. There are so many treatments available. There’s something out there for you. Waiting to help you live your life to the fullest once again!

About Ruth Hartman:

Ruth J. Hartman was once “normal.” She perceived the world around her as any other person would-until she turned 27. That’s when Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) dug in its claws and refused to let her go. Her world (and her family’s) was turned inside out.

Working as a dental hygienist was difficult enough, but trying to balance her work life with the challenges of OCD was overwhelming. Ruth’s family, friends, and co-workers didn’t understand why she suddenly acted so bizarre. She wanted to help them understand, but she couldn’t. She didn’t understand it herself.

My Life in Mental Chains is moving and tragic, yet in the end, it’s an uplifting story of personal faith and inner strength. Ruth’s insight will be a great comfort to OCD sufferers, their families, and their friends.

Ruth graduated from the Indiana University School of Dentistry with a degree in Science/Dental Hygiene. Her interest in writing, which began in high school, led her to earn her diploma from the Institute of Children’s Literature in “Writing for Children and Teenagers.”

She lives in rural Indiana with her husband and two cats.

Visit her website at www.ruthjhartman.blogspot.com, or contact her at RGHartman@aol.com.

Buy Ruth Hartman’s book: My Life in Mental Chains can be ordered from the website: www.supamasu.com . The simplest
way is to e-mail them at pipersash@supamasu.com and request “My Life in Mental Chains” by Ruth J. Hartman.

I just read more about Ruth on her blog and discovered that we have a great deal in common. We both love walking, writing, and cats. My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Happy Feet are two of her favorite movies, and I’m in love with both of them. Plus, she lives in “rural Indiana.” Although I was born and raised in Kentucky (and live here now), I’ve lived in four different “Hoosier towns.” Friendly and warm people, those Hoosiers, and can they ever cook?!

Make each moment count double,
~ Joi

Filed Under: Inspiration, Mental Fitness, Motivational Tagged: , , , , ,
December 20, 2008 Leave a Comment

Seasonal Depression and What to Do About It

It seems like a cruel twist of fate, but this time of year brings feelings of depression for many people. Just when they’re supposed to be feeling full of the Christmas spirit, they feel full of sadness. When, seemingly, everyone else has a song on their lips, they have trouble convincing their lips to even smile.

The thought of anyone being sad at any time breaks my heart. Sadness and depression make one just as miserable as a physical illness – but, usually, they don’t come with the same sympathy, compassion, and understanding that a sickness will bring. So the individual suffering from the sadness suffers in silence, often trying to hide it from others because they don’t want to dampen their mood. This is especially true around the holidays.

If you, or someone you know, is suffering from the blues, rest assured there are steps you can take to feel a lot better.

First of all, be sure there isn’t a medical cause for your depression. An underactive thyroid can make you feel all kinds of sad and miserable. When my thyroid had to be radioctively destroyed (how cool am I?), the doctors nailed the prescription I needed right off the bat. From what I’ve read, most people, after this procedure, have to have their medication regulated often for months before the doctors find just the right combination. My doctors were so brilliant, I never experienced the underactive “set back.”

However, about 10 – 15 years later, my medication dosage decided that it wasn’t quite right and it was a few months before I even suspected it as the cause. During that time, NOTHING my husband or daughters did or said was okay with me, commercials made me cry, if my husband was 10 minutes late coming home from work – I just KNEW he had been in a wreck, etc.

It was around the tragic September 11 PLUS we had a few losses in our own family – so I sort of assumed that my emotions were on overdrive. As it turned out, it was far more than that. When I saw my doctor and tearfully told her I thought I was making the earliest entry into menopause in history, she smiled and told me that she was putting her money on my thyroid. Tests proved her right, of course, and she adjusted my medication. My medication was no longer giving me what I needed and I was suffering from side effects of an underactive thyroid.

Almost immediately, I felt like my old self again. Each day started and ended with a smile again and I didn’t feel like crying at the drop of a hat!

If you feel a little sluggish, get cold easily, seem to be putting on weight, are having problems with your emotions, and/or eat less than normally – please go to the doctor for a thyroid check up. It’s a simple little blood test and it not only can save your sanity, it can save your life.

If you KNOW for a fact that your thyroid isn’t to blame, there’s still hope for you – so put your tissues away and get ready to smile. Heck, you may even be singing carols before you know it!

The following are some tips that should help get you in the spirit. Apply as needed. Rinse and repeat!

  • Do something for someone else.  I’m putting this at the top because it’s the most important.  If your favorite store has an “Angel Tree,” grab the name of a child and buy him/her a great present.  If you can afford it, hook up several children with a Christmas they’ll be proud to tell their friends at school about!
  • Watch It’s a Wonderful Life.  This holiday classic helps to remind us all about what really matters most.
  • Bake cookies!
  • Go to bed.  Seriously, a lack of sleep can make you feel miserable.  When we don’t give our bodies enough of the rest it needs, it can’t fight off illnesses and woes as well as it can when rested.  So, make sure you’re getting all you need.  In fact, with all the activities and festivities that go on around Christmas, you probably need more than ever.
  • In the same vein as the tip above, be sure you’re eating right.  Too many sweets (yes, my spies are watching you and counting your cookies and bites of fudge) will lead to a crash… and not just a diet crash!  They lead to mood swings as well.
  •  Move that body.  Physical activity is known to have antidepressant effects in people with mild to moderate depression.  It’s a mood lifter PLUS it’s one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself.
  • Take up a great hobby that you enjoy. I know that when I’m in the middle of one of my own favorite hobbies (cooking, watching movies, reading, writing) nothing can bring me down!
  • Get in touch with your feelings.  That may sound unbelievably flowery, but it’s pretty helpful. Learn more about yourself and about your emotions by keeping a journal - then explore your feelings through the words you write. 
  • Find someone to talk to.  A lot of people make the mistake of “keeping things in” because they don’t want to burden someone else.  What they don’t realize is that most people are genuinely touched when you confide in them.  They’re even more touched when they’re able to help you, so give them a chance.  What goes around usually comes back around, which means you’ll most likely be the one helping them one day.
  • Fake it until you make it.  This is one of those tips that you have to try for yourself to see that it actually works.  When you’re feeling down, smile.  When you feel like crying, laugh.  When someone cuts out in front of you, pray that they get where they’re going safely. 

Most of all, when you’re feeling out of sorts, be extra kind to yourself.  Don’t get annoyed or angry – just get busy!

Make each moment count double,
~ Joi

* Don’t worry, the gorgeous cat at the top of the post isn’t suffering from depression – he/she appears to lead a very pampered life. The picture is from http://www.bestchristmasdays.com/, and there are many other spectacular pics. If you’re feeling kind of blue, they may be just the thing to lift your spirits. That’s what the kitty at the top of the post had on its mind. Making you smile.

Filed Under: Inspiration, Motivational Tagged: , , ,
November 22, 2008 2 Comments

So, What Exactly is Normal Anyway?

Have you ever been guilty of mumbling one of the following statements – either loudly or under your breath?

  • Why can’t my life be normal?
  • Why can’t so and so act normal?!
  • I can’t wait for life to get back to normal…

I’m afraid I’ve been guilty of the “I can’t wait for life to get back to normal…” moan.  In fact, pretty recently!  I don’t think I’ve mentioned it on this particular blog before (I have more than 10, so who knows?!?) – but my spoiled, pampered, much beloved youngest cat, Alexa, recently broke one of her legs in two places.  A normally VERY active cat has had to be confined to total bed rest (we got her a dog kennel/large cage).  Because she’s accustomed to being by my side all the time, I spend a lot of time lying in the floor by her.

Last night, as I sat by her, petting her head and feeling helpless to help my little girl heal any faster – I thought, “I can’t wait for life to be normal again.”  I caught myself almost immediately and wondered, “And just what would that be?”

I mean, just because something in our life is currently stressful doesn’t mean life is all of a sudden abnormal.  Truth be told, isn’t something at least a little to the right or left of our “normal” always taking place?

Granted, some “lefts” or “rights” are more extreme than others.  Some feel like our “normal” has been given a sound beating and left for dead!  This summer, I battled an extreme case of poison oak for two months.  I had it on my face, my arms, legs, stomach, and back. I was covered with pink calamine lotion head to toe.  Misery!  To compound the suffering, I have major allergies and asthma and each responded badly to the poison oak.  Two months. Eight weeks.  Over 50 days.

One night I woke up scratching myself so hard that I started bleeding.  When I went to the bathroom to smear back up with calamine lotion, I sat on the side of the tub and just laughed. I guess sometimes you have to.

Other times, the “right” or “left” feels more like your normal just has a headache.  That’s where I am right now.  I know my beautiful cat is going to be okay and will, in fact, be herself again in a few weeks.  I’m thrilled she wasn’t hurt worse.  She had taken a running jump at an ironing board that, in turn, fell on her.  I’ve thanked God many times that there wasn’t a hot iron on the board.  My normal has a migraine, and when that’s the case - sometimes all we can do is wait.  Time is the aspirin and the only solution to a lot of problems.

Chasing Normal

Money troubles, relationship problems, ill (or broken!) pets, dead-end jobs, lay-offs, etc – life doesn’t think inside the box.  Heck, it’s not even aware that a box exists.

In fact, I guess it’d be safe to say that expecting or looking for normal would make as much sense as a dog chasing a car.  We aren’t going to catch it – and even if we did, we wouldn’t know what to do with it once we had it.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting peace, happiness, and smooth sailing. Wouldn’t we be simpletons if we didn’t want these things in our life?! But, if one gets to the place that they think they can only be happy, pleasant, or in a good mood when every t is crossed and every i is dotted – well, that’s going to be one miserable person.

Do What You Can and Try Not to Worry About the Rest

When you feel like you’re chasing normal, ask yourself a few questions.

  1. Is my situation one I can change?
  2. Is my situation one that I’ll simply have to “ride out”?

If your normal has a headache that you can cure – what are you waiting for?!  Do what you can to make the situation better.

  • If you have relationships in your life that feel strained and you find yourself arguing more than ever, swallow your pride and do your part to make things better.  If you need to forgive… forgive.  Make the first move, you’ll be the winner in the end.
  • If you’re overwhelmed at work or at home, sit down and make a list.  Divide the things you have to get done into “bite sized” chunks.  Take each, one at a time, and put a glorious line through each as it becomes a done instead of a to do.
  • If there’s something troubling you that you have no control over (such as an illness), find a way to cope.  Sometimes, it helps to remind yourself that “It is what it is.” None of us get through life unbruised.  God’s own Son faced more adversity, pain, hatred, betrayal, and poverty than any of us ever will… and look Who He knew!  In fact, there are people, even now, who have it much, much worse than we’ll ever have it.  When we remind ourselves of that fact – it makes our burdens seem smaller.

Above all, remember this:  The next time you’re looking for normal – look around you. It may have a few scrapes, it may have an itchy rash (!!!), it may be short on funds – but it’s all normal.  It’s life… and very often, it IS what we make it.

Make each moment count double,
~ Joi

Filed Under: Inspiration, Motivational, Tough Love! Tagged: , , , , ,
October 24, 2008 1 Comment

A Thought or Two (Maybe Three) About Setting Yourself Up for Good Mental Fitness

Clear Your Mind of Can't



Clear Your Mind of Can’t Art Print
Buy at AllPosters.com

I often overhear my husband talking on the phone to people he does business with.  A common theme he points out to people is this:  You either set yourself up to succeed or you set yourself up to fail. I have no idea which of his favorite speakers or authors initially said it, but he firmly believes in its worth. The point is always followed up by examples of setting oneself up to fail (like not listening to details, not putting customers/consumers/buyers first AND last, taking shortcuts, etc.) and examples of setting oneself up to succeed (getting your priorities straight, outworking everyone else, going above and beyond, etc.)

Of course, this same sort of philosophy can spill into other crevices of life as well.  Since we’re most interested in Mental Fitness and Mental Health on this particular blog, we’ll stick with that subject.

 

Ways We Set Ourselves up to Fail OR Ways we Sabotage Our Mental Fitness!

Unhealthy, Poisonous Thoughts - Rightfully at the top of the list.  Whether we use our thoughts to worry about things that haven’t even happened or use them to re-hash and re-live bad experiences, we stab ourselves in the foot with negative, destructive thinking. 

I’ve never understood people who relive bad things.  I overheard a woman tell her husband recently, “I remember when you said blah blah blah… That really hurt!”  He was like, “I said I was sorry.  That was over 20 years ago!”  I wanted to lean over to their table and tell her that if she has to go back 20 years to find something clumsy that came out of her man’s mouth, she should get on her knees and thank God right now! 

Why relive bad things – the first run was enough, right?  I can understand reliving the good moments, it makes you feel good all over again.

Think about it this way, when we engage in thoughts and memories, our psyche experiences it all over again.  How healthy do you think it would be to keep exposing our psyche to bad experiences?  It would think we had the most profoundly miserable life in the world.  Healthy?  Not even close.

How about worry? It makes your psyche a basket case – and, again, that isn’t at all productive for one’s mental fitness.

Let things go.  If you think you’re harming someone else by holding onto them, you are dead wrong.  You’re only harming one person and if you want to see who that is, find the nearest mirror.

I have countless bad traits – from spending money like I have an orchard of money trees to driving like I’m qualifying for the Daytona.  But one thing I actually nailed early in life was this:  You have to let go of the bad as soon as you possibly can.  That’s why I don’t hound my husband with things he said years, months, or even days ago.  Doesn’t matter.  Truth be told, since I never make it a point to dwell on negatives, they disappear from my mind very quickly.  Only things we think about fairly frequently stay with us.

Why do you think things we learned in school disappear so soon after we leave school.  We don’t think about the Mayflower Compact, Spanish verbs, Diagramming sentences, or (for crying out loud) calculus on a regular basis.

If you have negative thoughts or worries lingering in the halls of your mind, chase them out with a broom.  They aren’t helping you set yourself up for good mental fitness or happiness at all. They’re setting you up for gloom, failure, and a sick psyche.

By Becomming Mind Sloths!  -  If we aren’t careful, when we least expect it, an epidemic reaches down and claims us.  It’s the Mind Sloth epidemic and it’ll turn your mind to mush. 

What are the symptoms of this epidemic? 

  1. Frequent television watching and/or internet surfing without balancing the time with frequent reading and mental challenges.
  2. Saying, “I can’t do this so I’m not even going to try!”
  3. Being unable to name the last book you read.
  4. Being unable to carry on a conversation on topics plucked from the daily newspaper.
  5. Being unable to name your daily newspaper!
  6. Being content and comfortable with the knowledge you have at this point.

If you recognize any of these symptoms, there’s hope.  But you have to ACT, no one’s going to do it for you.

  1. Broaden your horizons.  There’s NOTHING wrong with watching television, there’s NOTHING wrong with going online – but they mustn’t become your identity.  If someone thinks of one of these activities when they hear your name, you may need to do a little soul searching.  Read more books, research things that interest you, read the newspaper.
  2. When you come face to face with a challenge, don’t immediately run the other way.  A great sense of pride, self-confidence and accomplishment come with every battle you win.  However, each battle you walk away from weakens your resolve and throws ice water on your self confidence.  You never know what you can do until you try.  You very well may find out you have more knowledge, creativity, and ability lying inside of you than you ever suspected.  When you wake it up, it might just blow your socks off!
  3. Never be content with what you know.  There’s so much to learn – the world’s a huge, fascinatiing place.  The more you learn, the more you realize how much you have left to learn.  Pick a country, an animal, a period of history, an event, an individual – and learn everything you possibly can about them.

By Being Physically Unhealthy. Our physical fitness and health affects our mental fitness and health.  We should strive to be as physically and mentally fit as possible – the two work together brilliantly. 

  1. Get at least 30 minutes of activity daily.  Take walks, clean your house, work in the yard, put on Motown and dance… Whatever you want to do, just get moving.
  2. Eat healthy.  Research shows that the foods that are good for us, physically, are also good for us mentally.  Fish, berries, spinach, oranges, green tea, coffee… they’re all good for us from the tops of our heads to the tips of our toes.
  3. Get plenty of fresh air and natural sunlight.  Go outside and take healthy, long deep breaths several times a day.  It just down-right feels good!  Plus, it benefits the cells of your body and mind greatly.
  4. Avoid the things that are bad for you physically.  Smoking, overeating, inactivity – they’re not just unhealthy for your heart and lungs, your brain doesn’t appreciate them either.  At all!

Are you setting yourself up to be as mentally fit as possible or are you sabotaging and sacrificing your mental health.  I want you to also realize that there’s something else to keep in mind.  It isn’t talked about as much as mental fitness or physical fitness, but it’s every bit as important – and that’s Emotional Fitness.  The things you just read about matter as much to your Emotional Fitness as they do your mental and physical fitness. They all go hand in hand, cell in cell.  When one’s strong, it encourages the others to be as well.  When one’s weak, however, it drags the others down with it. 

If you’re guilty of sabotaging your mental fitness, you might as well say that you’re also sabotaging your physical fitness and your emotional health as well.  Don’t wait for tomorrow to do something about it.  Stop whatever you’re doing right now and give yourself a little pep talk.  You know what things you need to start doing and what things you need to stop doing.  When you pinpoint each, write it down.

Then go over each point and come up with a plan for each.  If a plan eludes you, do a little research – or e-mail me and If I don’t already have some advice in my pocket, I’ll do the research for you.

Make each moment a healthy moment, first, and then make it count double!
~ Joi

Filed Under: Inspiration, Motivational, Must Reads Tagged: , , , , ,
October 18, 2008 Leave a Comment

Why Older is Better – A Collection of Bragging Rights from People Over 50

Apparently, for those of us who aren’t in the big 50′s neighborhood yet, we needn’t fret the view. The following is a list that was published in a really cool book from 2001 titled “Lists to Live By.” It’s a collection of reasons why “Older is Better” by individuals over 50 years old. It seems strange to refer to 50 as older these days, doesn’t it?!

50′s the new 40 after all – and that’s nowhere near old.

Be that as it may, I love the attitude and vibe of this list. It’s crackling with positive energy and that always turns me all the way on.

Why Older is Better

  1. You appreciate one day at a time.
  2. More people open doors for you.
  3. You don’t have to prove yourself.
  4. The simple pleasures seem so much more valuable.
  5. It’s okay to foget.
  6. You can go at your own pace.
  7. You have more stories to tell.
  8. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
  9. You have time to volunteer.
  10. You get to be a grandparent.
  11. You get senior discounts.
  12. You’ve seen it all before, even if you don’t remember where!
  13. You can stay up as long as you want.
  14. You discover the value of the things that have been around a while – old friends, old books, old memories, and old songs.
  15. You finally have perspective.
  16. Things take longer, but you have more time to do them.
  17. You have a better chance of shooting your age with your golf score.
  18. You have seen so many prayers answered.
  19. You know that being kind is often more important than being right.
  20. You finally have the time to start a new hobby or read a new book.
  21. You have learned that people are much more important than things.
  22. You don’t have to worry about what to do when you grow up.
  23. You now how important it is to count your blessings.
  24. You can take as many naps as you like.
  25. Heaven is closer.
  26. You have real wisdom to share.
  27. You realize that time is a treasure.
  28. You have learned that great memories come from both hard times and good times.
  29. It’s the perfect time for looking inward, outward, forward, and upward.
  30. You finally realize that what you can’t see lasts longer than what you can.

Make each moment count double!
~ Joi

Filed Under: Inspiration, Motivational, Must Reads, Tough Love! Tagged: , , , , , , ,
October 2, 2008 2 Comments

What We Can Learn From Dogs – Yes, Dogs

The Dog
The Dog Art PrintPicasso, PabloBuy at AllPosters.com

The following was included in an e-mail I recently received. Unfortunately, I don’t have any idea whatsoever who wrote it. It’s too good not to pass along, though.

WHAT WE CAN ALL LEARN FROM DOGS:

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

  • When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
  • Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
  • Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
  • Take naps.
  • Stretch before rising.
  • Run, romp, and play daily.
  • Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
  • Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
  • On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
  • On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
  • When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
  • Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
  • Be loyal.
  • Never pretend to be something you’re not.
  • If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
  • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
  • ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

You know how I sign all of my posts on this blog? – Dogs take it to heart. It’s time we started letting ourselves go to the dogs!

Make each moment count double,
~ Joi

Filed Under: Inspiration, Motivational, Positive Affirmations, Quotations Tagged: , , , , , ,
August 11, 2008 1 Comment

The Haunting Book by Comfort Shields – Surviving Ben’s Suicide

Surviving Ben's Suicide A Woman's Journey of Self-discovery Condition: New

You know how you can have a love/hate relationship with horror movies? You absolutely love them, yet you hate the way they make you jumpy for days… well, more like, nights… afterward?!

That’s kind of the way I am about books that are as hauntingly emotional as Surviving Ben’s Suicide, by C. Comfort Shields. I think I’m especially affected by books like this because I’m ridiculously emphatic – I honestly feel what others are going through. It makes for quite an emotion-filled life!

The love feelings stem from a love for good, emotional writing – which this is. I also LOVE when an individual takes their own experiences and attempts to help others who may face similar situations.

The hate? I hate for anyone to have to suffer to this degree. The thought of these individuals going through what they went through sticks with you. It’s helped, of course, by the knowledge that Comfort has turned out to be a stronger person, probably because of her tragic past. It also helps to know that she’s reaching out to others who, without her, would be isolated.

Surviving Ben’s Suicide is more of a journey than anything else. When the author, Comfort Shields, was just a freshman in college (far, far too young to find herself in the middle of a tragedy), she met and fell in love with a fellow student, Ben (too young to have the starring role). It wasn’t long before young Comfort saw signs of poor Ben’s mental imbalances. He did certain things, didn’t do certain things, said certain things, didn’t say certain things, and often left “Comfort” needing just that.

The story of what went on even BEFORE Ben’s suicide broke my heart. How unspeakably helpless one has to feel when they want desperately to help their loved one but the resources just aren’t there. Mental illnesses are FINALLY getting the attention they deserve and need. Today, everyone knows that a mental illness carries no more shame than being diabetic. One needs treatment just as much as the other. But, there was a time in the past when no one…absolutely no one…. wanted to confront their mental illness, let alone own up to it. Thanks be to God that the medical community and countless brave sufferers have shone the light on mental illnesses, but my heart breaks for the people who had to deal with these demons in the dark.

The darkness was, understandably, too much for Ben. He took the only way out he could find.

Comfort was unable to find the resources she needed to heal following Ben’s death. She had to fight her way through helplessness, grief, and even (without any justification) guilt. Years after the loss, she has written this book, Surviving Ben’s Suicide, to help people who find themselves in this situation.

I hope, with all my heart, that she’s able to connect with people who are NOW where she was THEN, I believe she could be a great help to them. Even more, I hope that people with “Bens” in their own life will read this book and find help before they need the book for a whole other reason.

I applaud the author for “revisiting” her heartache in an effor to reach out to others. It’s never any fun to reopen old wounds and renew the pain. But if even one person is helped, I know Comfort Shields would say it was more than worth it.

Useful Links:

Comfort Shileds’ Website

Surviving Ben’s Suicide (blog)

Surviving Ben’s Suicide

Filed Under: Inspiration, Mental Fitness Tagged: , , , , ,
August 6, 2008 Leave a Comment

A Collection of Powerful Quotes About Depression

Makes You Happy

Buy at AllPosters.com

The term clinical depression finds its way into too many conversations these days. One has a sense that a catastrophe has occurred in the psychic landscape. – Leonard Cohen

Depression is rage spread thin. – George Santayana

Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts. – Penelope Sweet

Remember sadness is always temporary. This, too, shall pass. – Chuck T. Falcon

Depression is the inability to construct a future. – Rollo May

Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings. – Elie Weisel

Concern should drive us into action, not depression. – Karen Horney

I cry a lot. My emotions are very close to my surface. I don’t want to hold anything in so it it festers and turns into pus – a pustule of emotion that explodes into a festering cesspool of depression. – Nicolas Cage

If I had not been already been meditating, I would certainly have had to start. I’ve treated my own depression for many years with exercise and meditation, and I’ve found that to be a tremendous help. – Judy Collins

Trials give you strength, sorrows give understanding and wisdom. – Chuck T. Falcon

Just like other illnesses, depression can be treated so that people can live happy, active lives. – Tom Bosley

For me being depressed means you can spend all day in bed, and still not get a good night’s rest. – Unknown

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment. – Greenville Kleiser

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. – Geoffrey Norman

That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key. – Elizabeth Wurtzel

Depression is a prison where you are both the suffering prisoner and the cruel jailer. – Dorothy Rowe

If depression is creeping up and must be faced, learn something about the nature of the beast: You may escape without a mauling. – Dr. R. W. Shepherd

In a strange way, I had fallen in love with my depression. Dr. Sterling was right about that. I loved it because I thought it was all I had. I thought depression was the part of my character that made me worthwhile. I thought so little of myself, felt that I had such scant offerings to give to the world, that the one thing that justified my existence at all was my agony. – Elizabeth Wurtzel

Hope is grief’s best music. – Anonymous

Depression is a treatable medical illness like cancer and heart disease. – Judith Peacock

Fall seven times, stand up eight. – Japanese proverb

I’m a strong believer in affirmations and motivational quotes. I have quotes written on everything but my cats. My husband and I were having lunch in a restaurant on Kentucky Lake a few days ago when I saw a quote hanging near the register. I grabbed a pen and copied it on a napkin. Ironically, enough, it fits very well with the topic we’re focusing on this week: Depression. It’s the quote you see in the yellow box below.

“Better keep yourself clean and bright, you’re the window through which you must see the world.” – George Bernard Shaw

My shelves are filled with motivational and inspirational writings and quotes, from the pens and lips of the most brilliant men and women to ever live. I have volumes of biographies, historical textbooks, encyclopedias, novels, etc. Yet one of the most profound, genuinely true, and beautiful quotes I’ve ever read was hanging by a register in a bayside grill.

The lesson this quote teaches and the sermon it preaches is powerfully simplistic. If we want our world to be more beautiful, we have to do something about the way we look at it. It’s like having a dirty kitchen window. The world outside isn’t the problem – the trees are as green as they ever were, the birds are as colorfully beautiful as ever, and the sky? Still blue.

But if the window is dirty, the outside world looks gray and unattractive. Action…proactive efforts… have to be made to clean the window. Once clean, the beauty of the world will, literally, come shining through.

These efforts may include meditation, prayer, exercise, talking it out with a family member or friend, walking in the fresh air (But not during the hottest part of the day, please!), gardening, taking up a great new hobby, adopting a pet or showering yours with more attention, watching an uplifting movie or television show, etc. Keep in mind, also, that if the suggestions above, or similar efforts, don’t make a difference in your condition – you may need medication, even if it’s just for a short period of time.

If that’s what it takes for you to be able to see the world as the beautiful place that it is (the one you remember it as) rather than the gray, dismal space that it’s become – it’s more than worth it. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Clinical Depression is a physical illness just like diabetes, asthma, heart disease, etc. If you had any of those, you wouldn’t hesitate to go to the doctor, right? Of course not! After all, going to the doctor would make you feel better, no eed suffering when you don’t have to. Heck it might even save your life.

You can say the same exact things about going to the doctor for depression. After all, going to the doctor would make you feel better, no eed suffering when you don’t have to. Heck it might even save your life.

Make each day count double,
~Joi

Filed Under: Inspiration, Motivational, Quotations Tagged: , , , ,
August 3, 2008 1 Comment

How to Know if What You’re Feeling is Depression

Quote About Depression In the same way that when most of us say we’re “starving,” we’re simply hungry – many people say they’re depressed when they’re simply feeling down. Generally, it’s a feeling that’s the result of something that has happened in their life, and when enough time passes, the feelings will heal.  While feeling sad is a horrible feeling that we wouldn’t wish on anyone, we know that better days and sweeter emotions are around the corner. 

However, for those who ARE depressed, better days and sweeter emotions are positively unthinkable.  A depressed individual honestly can’t even phantom smiling again, let alone laughing.

So, how do know which category you fall into?  Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Do I feel sad every day for most of the day?
  2. Have I lost interest in things that once delighted me?
  3. Am I sleeping either much more or much less than I once did?
  4. Am I restless?  Do I have trouble sitting still or shutting my mind off?
  5. Do I feel tired and lethargic most of the time?
  6. Do I feel worthless? Does it seem to me that I don’t serve a purpose to anyone or anything?
  7. Do I feel like I’ve been abandoned by everyone?
  8. Am I having trouble making decisions?
  9. Am I either eating more than usual or less than usual?  Is my weight up or down?
  10. If someone asked me if I liked myself, would my answer be NO?

Another symptom of depression is so fundamentally important that I didn’t want to list it above.  It deserves its own paragraph, because I can’t emphasize it enough. If you EVER have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of hurting yourself in any way – get to a doctor as soon as possible.  Whether it’s 4:00 in the morning or 12:00 at night, emergency rooms are always open!  People want very much to help you, please let them.  Never do anything to yourself or your body that you wouldn’t want done to someone you love.

Look back over the symptoms again.  If you answered “Yes” to 2 or 3 questions, you may be experiencing a “mild” form of depression.  If you can “pin” these feelings to a particular event, chances are good that what you need is time.  Don’t feel guilty for feeling down and don’t make the mistake of allowing these temporary feelings to identify you.  You are a vibrant and happy person who is simply feeling down at the moment.

If you answered “Yes” to 5 or more questions – you are a vibrant and happy person who probably needs help finding that person once more.  The thing many people don’t realize is that doctors can help with depression.  But you have to go!  And you have to keep going when they tell you to – if medications are involved, you have to work with your doctor to make sure your dosage is where it needs to be.

Never, ever try to doctor yourself.  No good ever comes from that.

If you have been thinking about suicide, or hurting yourself in any way - please see a doctor immediately.  Your world doesn’t have to stay dark, there are plenty of wonderful people who can help you find the light again.

If you are on the “mild” end of depression or if you are simply feeling blue, begin (as in RIGHT NOW!) looking for ways to make you feel better. The next post will contain a long list of ideas for you to pull from – from meditating to exercising, you’ll find so much to do you won’t have time to feel anything but busy!

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

Filed Under: Inspiration, Mental Fitness, Motivational, Quotations Tagged: , , ,
July 23, 2008 1 Comment

Why You Should Read Strength for Life by Shawn Phillips This Week

“Eventually, there comes a point in every life where you can no longer ignore the enormous and expanding gap between the life you could be living and the life you’ve settled for….   Every day of your life that you’re not actively engaged in staying fit, eating well, and strengthening your body the gap grows.”  – Stregnth for Life, by Shawn Phillips, page 10

Strength for Life by Shawn Phillips I recently finished reading Strength for Life and, quite frankly, I’m filled with two emotions.

For one, I’m angry at myself!  Why didn’t I start, in my 20′s, eating right and exercising every day.  By now I could be Wonder Blogger!  I’d never have to worry the trauma room (for my male readers, this would be the dressing room), I’d have all the energy I need for anything life throws me or for anything I want to throw it, and I’d be setting a golden opportunity for my three daughters.

For another, I’m excited!  It’s never to late to do what you should have done.  There aren’t any NO U TURNS signs along life’s highway, so I can start today (actually the day I opened the book) getting my butt in shape - as well as the rest of me.

I knew the author, Shawn Phillips, and I would hit it off right from the start.  You see, while I’m  a typical girly girl, I’m also a huge sports fan.  My favorite teams are the UK Wildcats, the St. Louis Cardinals, and the Denver Broncos.  At the end of chapter 1, Shawn quoted my all-time favorite QB, John Elway, and referred to him as “a friend.”  So, I settled back with the book to see what an author with impeccable taste had to say.

A Wake-Up Call

Do you realize how out of control obesity is in America?  According to the National Center for Health Statistics, about 30 percent of U.S. adults 20 and older are obese and 65 percent are either overweight or obese.  65 percent!

Even more disturbing, to me, is the following statistic:  In the kid’s group, one out of five ages 12 to 19 is now considered obese.  That absolutely breaks my heart. 

Not only does being overweight keep you from living the life you should be living, it’ll end your life much sooner than it should end. It’s not just about being able to keep up on the playground or tennis court, it’s not just about how those Levi’s look, and it’s not just about leaving the trauma room with your head high as opposed to buried in your hands – it’s about being around for your loved ones as long as you possibly can!

What Strength for Life Can Mean for You

I’m certain I’ve pointed out before how difficult it can be to write a book review. Especially when it’s for a book that you’re dying for your readers to read. On one hand, I want to tell you all that I learned from the book. For someone with the gift for gab like me, it’s particularly hard NOT to give everything away. The problem with that, of course, is that you’d have no reason to buy the book. Not a very fair thing to do to an author who put their heart and soul into the publication.

Let me try to Bullet Point the reasons you should read Strength For Life as soon as you possibly can (bullet points usually keep the gab within reason):

  • The author, Shawn Phillips, is a fitness expert in every sense of the word.  He’s been in the business for over 20 years and has helped not just thousands, but tens of thousands of people live better, healthier, and stronger lives.
  • Strength for Life includes an eating plan that gives you more energy than you’ll remember ever having.  The nutrition tips are golden (I laughed out loud at his description of pop and will never look at one the same again!)  He points out how berries will protect you from the damages of free radicals, why water is more important to drink than we even realize, why apples are the perfect fruit, and a lot more.  You feel better AND look better when you eat the way you should – Strength for Life lays it all out for you and even gives sample daily meal plans.  There are over 25 pages devoted entirely to educating the reader about nutrition.  As a web publisher who spends 50 percent of her day reading about health, food, and nutrition, I was amazed at just how much I learned.
  • Illustrated, simple exercises make it easy to follow along.  They’re accompanied by step by step instructions that are (Thank you, Shawn!) clear and precise.  I hate it when an exercise book just shows a picture and tells you something like,  Do 3 sets.  3 sets of what?!  The exercises in Strength for Life are fun, highly doable, and effective.  The entire workout plan can be done a little over 30 minutes.  Personally, I like to do them while Andy Griffith’s on.  I get started a little before the whistling starts, and I’m usually through by the time Andy has gotten Barney out of his recent scrape.  Mayberry makes a perfect soundtrack and I know the shows by heart, so I don’t have to look up from my book or “focal point” to know what’s going on.
  • Get this – there’s a boot camp in this book!  The book refers to it as Base Camp, but my body’s convinced it’s boot camp.  And I love it.  Section 2 is called “Base Camp:  12 Days That Will Recharge Your Body and Mind.“  I’m certain that recharging your body and mind appeal to you as much as they do to me! 
  • Goal setting and achieving exercises provide the motivation you need to make all of your fitness dreams come true. 

What’s So Great About Shawn Phillips?!

Shawn Phillips is one of the most motivating and inspiring authors I’ve ever read (and you know me, I read – therefore I am).  Even when the book is CLOSED and you’re making your food choices in the store or the kitchen, you feel like Shawn is there with you – saying, “I think there’s a better solution…here, let’s try this instead,” “Look at the ingredients – corn syrup, you know what that means..,” or “Are you completely out of your mind?! Put that back.” 

You also feel like he’s there when you’re walking or exercising – coaching you and WILLING for you to make it.  He’d actually make a wonderful trainer on a show like The Biggest Loser because, while he’s filled with information, he has an even more important trait:  He honestly cares about the health, fitness, well-being, and happiness of his readers.  You can tell it in his words.  I read so much that authors can’t even begin to fool me – I know sincerity when I see it. 

Now It’s Up to You

I strongly urge you to buy this book as soon as possible – the sooner, the better, because the minute you start reading is the minute you turn your life around.  As a bonus, if you’re a parent like me, you begin setting a golden example to your children.  They’ll even get on board with you!  A few days ago, I asked my oldest daughter what sounded good for lunch.  Instead of the typical Fries and a Burger answer, she said “a grilled chicken salad.”  I couldn’t make it for her fast enough!

I hope that TODAY you’ll think about “the gap” that began this post.  I hope you’ll get a good, clear picture of the life you could be living – the one you’d spell out for a genie.  Then I hope you’ll realize that the first step you should take (to make your wishes come true) is to get a copy of Strength for Life as soon as you possibly can.

Nah, sooner.

To illustrate just how serious I am about you getting this book – I’m going to do something that I don’t believe I’ve ever done in all my years of reviewing books. See, as a web publisher, I make my living online – what I make with my blogs/sites is what I take to the grocery store with me! When I review a book, I always use my Amazon link (or another affiliate link) – so, when the visitor makes the purchase, I get paid. Solid.

But, in this instance – as an added way of letting you know how much I want you to improve your health and life – I’m not going to use any such links. In each of the links, I’m simply pointing you to Shawn Phillips website where you can learn more about him and his mission to whip us all into shape! You can even sign up for a sneak preview of the book – how cool’s that?  Please do this for yourself and for your family. You only get one life – it isn’t a dress rehearsal.

As the greatest quarterback to ever play (I believe his name was John Elway) once said, “If you’re going to set a goal, aim high!”

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

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