Infiltration

My daughters and I rounded up all of our “retired” cell phones a few nights ago. My current one decided it no longer liked to ring and Emily was pretty annoyed with her’s as well, so we thought we’d sort through the old ones and see what we could turn up. They practically covered half of our dining room table. Pink, gray, brown, black, blue - we’re nothing if not colorful.

Resident expert, Stephany, gave an off the cuff presentation detailing what each phone was capapble of and incapable of. Some would take pictures, some wouldn’t. Some would store all of the sent and recieved text messages you could ever want, while others would want to purge after 12.

Some allowed you to download “awesome” ring tones and others (the ones on the bottom of Steph’s list) stuck you with “crap.” Knowing how high on my list the IM function is, she gave me a great tutorial on which had the hottest preset images (I’m all about that) and which were the easiest to use for sending IMs, etc.

So there they all were, a little community of cell phones. On the outside, they looked equally capable of the same performance. If it weren’t for Steph’s knowledge, I wouldn’t have known they were so vastly different.

As I’m sure you’ve guessed, I’m headed somewhere other than a tech-y destination with this. Fortunately, since my Tech knowledge wouldn’t get us very far!

We’re all sort of like these cell phones. On the outside, we look like we pretty much have the same capabilities and abilities. As though we, too, will perform the same way as everyone else.

We’d all do well to remember that this is far, far, far from the truth. Just as we each have different thumbprints, we each have different lives, experiences, mental abilities, drives, personalities, and “speeds.” Yet, we often expect everyone to perform on the same level….and, to be honest, the level we want everyone to perform at is usually our own, right? We fool ourselves into believing that if everyone around us thought and acted just like us, our world would be darn near perfect.

Can you imagine if that were the case? I just spent a minute thinking about it and nearly snapped myself out of it with a banshee scream. Oh, the wrecks, the economy, and the lines at Starbucks….

The next time someone gets under your skin, remind yourself that he/she is wired differently from you. They may, actually, be doing the very best they can. Expecting more from them than they’re capable of giving would be like expecting a Go Phone to give you everything an iPhone would. You can yell at the Go Phone, talk about it behind its back, and roll your eyes until you give yourself a headache - but what’s going to be accomplished in the end? The Go Phone will keep on being a Go Phone. The only thing to change will be your own level of stress and aggravation.

Very often, too, when we worry about other people instead of our own business, we lose out big time. After all, if our eyes are on them and their lives, what might we be missing in our own?!

Think about reality shows - it’s when the players get overly concerned with what this person or that person is up to that they’re blindsided. They never saw it coming because they were casting their vision in other directions. On Survivor recently, a seemingly strong contestant became nearly obsessed with another contestant. Their hatred and resentment only resulted in them being sent home before the thorn in thier side was. (That couldn’t have felt good!)

Oops, my cell phone’s ringing. Is that My Chemical Romance?

Fingers, toes, eyes, legs, arms, and lips crossed that this link works. This is amazing!

You may wonder, at first, what this video would have to do with Self Help - but somewhere between, “How could anyone have this much imagination?” and “What kind of brain is able to produce something like this?,” it’ll hit you. The human mind is a complex and amazing thing. We’re filled with so many possibilties and so much potential. (How could we not be, God made us?!?!)

Today think about your own possibilities and potential. What might be lying dormant inside of you? There are unrealized dreams and untapped acts of brilliance just lying there waiting for us to get our gumption up, stroke our confidence like we stroke our cat, and make our move. This video has inspired me to step all of my games up and try to play at another level.

The ingenuity and imagination that went into making this “Animator vs Animation” video has inspired me and I hope it’ll have the same effect on you.

Animator vs. Animation

It seems the Dog will be hunting for more than bad guys now that his mouth has landed him in the public’s dog house. He’ll be hunting for employment, redemption, and the miracle that will bring his thousands of fans back to his camp.

Good luck, better luck, and don’t hold your breath.

A lot of people are debating the N word again. In my book, no debate is needed. It’s a vile, hateful word that only springs forth from hate. It’s a word that causes pain, anger, and division. A word that people have been trying to get away from for two forevers. My own personal opinion is that only fools have this particular word in their vocabularies. Non-fools deleted it ages ago.

As with most things in life, my heart goes mostly out to the very young. Can you imagine the heavy-hearted parents trying to explain to their children why “Dog the Bounty Hunter,” pulicly viewed as a hero, used a word that only the vilest would use. Heroes don’t hate innocent people and they don’t use words that hurt.

My heart also goes out to the older generation, though. The ones who hoped to see the word pass away before they did. Fortunately they have the wisdom to know that when necks were being handed out, some people apparently said, “Awwww, man, make mine just as red as you can.”

I honestly have no idea if Dog’s heart is as racist as his words. As someone who had always been a fan, I hope not. But as someone who believes that our thoughts eventually come spilling out of our pie hole, I have to say, “Hmmmmmmmm.”

This is yet another instance where we can learn something important. My daughters will tell you that I’m a firm believer in these sort of instances - they’re everywhere and, as mom, I love to make sure my girls catch them before the lessons get away! There are actually two lessons lying around in this disgracing public rubble.

1. The biggest lesson is to keep a close watch on your thoughts. Don’t rent out any space in your heart or mind for hateful, nasty, negative feelings - they’re not good tenants. They’ll make a mess and they’ll never pay you with anything worth having. You may think that you can keep their door closed on them and only visit them in private, but a lot of people have thought that before - Dog amongst them. They’ll come out, make no mistake about it. Especially if you spend a great deal of time with them in private, eventually you’ll forget to lock the door behind you.

We should always make sure to never use words in private that we wouldn’t want to use in public. Again, locks don’t stay locked - especially the ones we use on our lips. These locks are easily opened by anger, bitterness, and a whole team of other emotions that are expert lock-pickers.

The Bible tells us in the book of Numbers, I believe - (don’t hold me to it, I’m not nearly as knowledgable of the Old Testament as I wish I were) to be sure that our sin will find us out. Like every other word in the Bible, these are, of course, perfectly right….wherever it is they’re found in the OT! It may take an hour, it may take a day, it may take a month, it may even take a year - but you can be certain of one thing, what we do comes looking for us down the road and, of course, it always finds us. Like a cosmic boomerang. With teeth.

2. The second lesson I see amongst this particular nastiness involves family. First of all, let’s not lose sight of what a world class chump the puppy was! Selling out your own father, irregardless of what he has said or done, is about as low as it gets. But, this will probably be the first and last time we ever hear from or about this guy - so I’m just going to leave him alone to spend his ill-gotten money. He can deal with his own dentally magnificent boomerang one day.

Family can be a really hard thing to navigate around, can’t it? I mean, we love our family madly - but, can they or can they not, drive us to the edge of reason sometimes?!?! Especially when it involves someone who joins your family by another member’s choice. When I met and married my husband, my family couldn’t have been more welcoming and kind. I was never more proud of them than the way they welcomed him into our lives and family. I honestly, honestly can’t remember my dad ever saying one negative thing about him. How un-dad is that?!?! He always talked to Michael…who, of course, always talked to my dad like they were old friends. If my dad wanted to talk about basketball, they talked about basketball - if he wanted to talk about his rose beds, they talked about his rose beds. Michael knew absolutely nothing about roses, but he learned! As a matter of fact, he planted some in our own yard that were the most magnificent beauties I’d ever seen.

If a son or daughter brings someone into your family that you’re having trouble warming up to - unless they’re causing harm to your child, do yourself, your son/daughter, and them (in that order) a favor: work on your thermostat! Stop expecting perfection - it’s not going to happen. Of course your perfect son or daughter deserves perfect, but it’s just not going to happen. There are going to be some things that drive you nuts about these new additions to the family: the way they dress, where they work/don’t work, the way they do (or don’t do!) their hair, etc. But nitpicking will just do two things: One, It’ll make you look grumpy and judgemental. But worse (far worse), it’ll put distance between you and your child. And that is the last thing on earth any parent wants.

When you’re in private, stop being so negative - it just works up more negativity. Don’t call them names or even think the names (ask Dog, name-calling’s not only childish, it’ll be your undoing) - refer to them by their names, just as you’d want them to refer to you. Let your son/daughter know that they can talk about the people in their life around you without you calling them names or making fun of them. Not cool.

Do your family a huge favor: The next time your son or daughter brings their special someone around, be friendlier than ever. Smile, laugh, talk - then, look at the face that you’ve loved since the first day you saw it. It’ll be wearing the kind of happy expression you wish it would wear forever. And you’ll know you put it there. Now, that’s cool.

Make each of life’s lessons count double,
~Joi

Have you ever stewed over something so long that you got on your own nerves?

Oh. Yeah, me neither.

How about this, then? Have we (as in you and I who know much better than to stew) ever KNOWN anyone who stewed so long that THEY got on our nerves.

Ah, yes! Of course we have. Annoying, right? Stew pots.

I guess, to a certain extent, it’s ony natural to stew in your own juices from time to time. If you have anything at all cooking in your mind, body, and soul, you will from time to time boil in it. Okay, yes…even you and I.

Something will go so completely opposite from the way we’d tried to steer it that we’ll just have a hard time moving past it. I especially hate it when I some people chase things down to stew over them. You know, things that have been waaay back there on the horizon for years. We’ll They’ll put their life in Reverse just to go back and brood about it a little more. When you think about it in those terms it’d make you want to kick yourself, wouldn’t it? IF you ever did it, that is.

But what about the things that go one direction while our hopes and dreams lie in the other in the present? Don’t we have Squatter’s Rights to stew on those??? I’ll take it upon myself to say, “Yes, in fact, we do have Squatter’s Rights to stew on things that happen in the present.” But I’d also take it upon myself to ask, “Why?!?!”

Stewing in our own juices doesn’t move us forward in any way whatsoever. It just makes us all pink, wrinkly, puckery, and well, ugly. A goal of yours? Mine either.

So how does one avoid the pot altogether or climb out of it if they’re already in it - amongst the bubbles? There are a few suggestions and/or thoughts about the situation below. Read over them and see which might apply to your “friend” the stew pot. My buddy likes the first two.

• Throw your sense of humor into the mix. Life is, actually, a lot funnier than we even realize. The main reason, of course, is that people are a lot funnier than we even realize. Even the ones that actually turn the boiler on beneath our pot(s) are characters worth at least a couple of laughs. The next time you feel a bubble or two bubbling beneath your surface, look for the humor in the situation. Imagine that what’s going on around you is playing out on a screen (large…small, your choice). What will amaze you is that 8 times out of 10, you’ll quickly realize that you’re smack dab in the middle of a comedy, not a drama…and certainly not a tragedy. Try it - I swear on my Starbucks Card AND my good standing at Kohl’s, you’ll soon be living by this one. And when I say living, I mean Living with a capital L.
• Memorize and Utilize the Serenity Prayer:
  God grant me the serenity
  to accept the things I cannot change;
  courage to change the things I can;
  and wisdom to know the difference.

  Living one day at a time;
  Enjoying one moment at a time;
  Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
  Taking, as He did, this sinful world
  as it is, not as I would have it;
  Trusting that He will make all things right
  if I surrender to His Will;
  That I may be reasonably happy in this life
  and supremely happy with Him
  Forever in the next.
  Amen.

  –Reinhold Niebuhr
  

  Let’s face it, sometimes we actually ARE in more of a drama than a comedy. We’d very much like to call for a Rewrite of the script, but we’re stuck with it AS IS. That’s when we have to let those last four words sink in: We’re. Stuck. With. It. Your son marries a girl you KNOW isn’t “good enough” (are they ever?)…you’ve made the whole parental speech, but Romeo is set on marrying Juliet. When we argue at that point, aren’t we kind of like a Baseball Coach arguing AFTER the call. Even if it’s a bad one, it’s been made! The guy behind the plate isn’t going to say, “Man, I’m sorry Mr. LaRussa. You’re right, I wouldn’t know a strike from my… Let me change that call real fast. STRIKE!” Nor is Romeo apt to say, “You’re ever so right, father/mother. Juliet does wear too much eyeliner. What was I thinking? Please…please…please find the perfect girl for me.” Four more words: When. Hell. Freezeth. Over.

• Can’t laugh about it, can’t move past it? Then you’re just going to have to stew. Seem like a mad crazy option? It is. Think it’s weird of me to list it with the others? It’s totally weird. But, what’s weirder still is the fact that it’s the option most will return to again and again. You’ll be able to recognize the people who do - it’s not at all hard. They’ll be the ones walking about all pink and wrinkly without an ounce of Peace of Mind. What’s even sadder is they’re the ones who don’t let those around them have any Peace of Mind either. The women in the office who stew over the tone of voice a co-worker used, the husband who stews because his wife got a speeding ticket (I said I was sorry!), the wife who boils because her husband tracked leaves in, the teenager who acts like his life is over because he was asked to make Fall Out Boy fall out a little more quietly.

The post has already been longer than I intended - I know it’s a pain to get caught in the middle of a post or article you think just might never end. You get the idea.

To stew or not to stew is alot like to live or not to live. Sometimes we just have to MANUALLY pull ourselves up out of the pot - the view it provides isn’t that amazing anyway. Then we have to kick the pot over (We’re all about the drama, right?), turn our back on it and…..

….and….

…and live, that’s what!

Make each pot kick count double,
Joi

I’ve said it before on this very blog, but I think it’s worth repeating…in fact I know it is. The mind is such a complex and amazing power that we should never underestimate the power its THOUGHTS have over our entire life.

If the brain is the center of us…and it is just that….then, whatever is going on in the control center will manifest itself outwardly.

I’m asking you to think about your thought patterns for a minute. What do you think about more than anything else? Does worry for a loved one or loved ones occupy most of your thoughts? If so, you probably neglect yourself a great deal.

For example, how many young mothers BEFORE their pregnancy and birth look like something that stepped out of a catalog? - With jewelry, hot clothes, painted nails, make-up and their hair done, they take pride in their appearance and it shows. Fast forward a year, sometimes even two or three. The same girl can very often be found…IF you recognize her! The problem isn’t the girl, physically - she’s still as beautiful as ever. It’s just that her appearance (and even herself) has taken a backseat. Her thoughts now center primarily around her child - what he/she drinks, wears, laughs at, gurgles at, etc.

Is there anything wrong with that? Of course not! I did it 3 times over - and if God ever developed a mischievous sense of humor and unmatched randomness, I’d do it a 4th time. I fell into the trap deepeer than anyone. When I was in my teens, my fingernails were never NOT pink, my hair was styled each morning, I spent $$$$ on name brand clothes and had more shoes than any shoe store worth its weight. I even smelled like Charlie perfume when I went to bed - after a 30 minute bubble bath. I was a baby diva unlike any you’d ever find.

Then. Came. Babies. My nailpolish bottles caked up, my curling iron packed its cord and ran away from home….. Charlie? I was afraid of having too much perfume around my babies (????), so I started smelling like Baby Powder - after a 3 minute bath (couldn’t be away from my girls longer than that).

So, uh, yeah, my control center was a baby nursery. I stopped my writing, except for writing in baby books or writing letters to family members. It never even hit me until one day when I was looking at old pictures. Pictures of me from the ages of 12 to 18 were so alarmingly different from recent pictures. Of all things to notice, I looked at the fingernails. In all of the old pics, they were beautiful - all done up in a hot pink or red from Avon. Hair just so… Then I looked at the more recent ones: Naked nails, ponytails, sweat pants, and t-shirts. My jaw dropped and I threw away the sweat pants.

Well, you get the point.

Another example would be the man who becomes so consumed with making money that it’s, literally, all he can think about OR talk about. Another bad deal. Work and money become all he thinks about and he begins to lose any sort of fun streak or personality. How many professionals do you meet and think, “Man, he has NO personality whatsover!” The thing is, he probably did once, before his mind became consumed with money rather than life.

Should an individual love their work - heck yes. Should an individual love their children - hell yes! But nothing….not even family…should take up every square inch of your thoughts.

Make a point of watching your thoughts for a while - see where they run off to when unsupervised. They probably have a favorite spot that you weren’t even aware of. Now, take a look at what, if anything, this retreat is costing you. Make an effort to make your thoughts as well-rounded as possible.

There’s more to it than this, though. Once you make sure you don’t put all of your thought eggs into just one basket - you have to, then, make sure that you don’t entertain negative, self-limiting, harmful thoughts.

Not long ago, I was telling my daughters how I want them to always live out loud - and never in a whisper. I want them to see how big and beautiful life is and not EVER let anything or anyone ever fence them in. In order to live life largely, you have to harness your thoughts. Negative thoughts will do as much damage as positive ones.

If you frequently think, “I’m down…” - you’ll soon be down so far you won’t be able to see up.

If you frequently think, “I’ve got to hurry!” - you’ll soon be living at such a fast pace no one will be able to (or even want to) keep up with you. Your health will also suffer greatly.

If you frequently think, “I’m so worried about…” - you guessed it, you’ll become the biggest worry wart to ever carry the title.

If you frequently think of things your mad about or people who make you angry, you’ll soon be a walking/talking temper tantrum waiting to explode. Ugly? You know it.

Let’s flip that all around now.

What would happen if you frequently thought of reasons to be happy?….

What would happen if you frequently thought of ways to show people how much you love them?…

Instead of thinking about the problems, what if you thought of ways to solve them?….

Someone once said, “You are what you eat.” - But I think Walter Anderson said it best, “You and I are not what we eat; we are what we think.” So, if you do one thing today, vow to start taking your thoughts in a positive direction - your life will follow them. Godspeed!

Make each thought count,
~Joi

Here’s a quote that’ll grab you by your shoulders and give you a little shake:

“Nature takes away any faculty that is not used.” ~ William R. Inge

Let’s see, I’ll ponder it over more tomorrow - somewhere between reading Shakespeare, brushing up on my geometry, conjugating Spanish verbs, and jogging around the park. You know, one of my typical Sundays.

Make each moment count double…then read something worthwhile,
~Joi

“Our modern-day obsession with happiness has millions of people all over the world chasing their happy tails….It’s probably not possible to be happy if you’re obsessed with achieving happiness.” - Rober J. Ringer (Getting What You Want)

True enough.

At what point did we start thinking we had to be happy every day of the week, anyway? Guess what, sometimes we’re going to be down…sometimes we’re going to be up. Somedays we’ll feel like there’s a huge smile waiting on the other side of our face, just waiting to break loose. Other days it’ll seem like we’re holding back tears. Sometimes we’ll laugh at the drop of a hat while other days it’ll make us mad.

It’s called emotions and, thankfully, there are more than just one or two. Unfortunately, in our society today, if someone is a little down in the dumps, they immediately think, “Oh no, I’m getting depressed…” Or, if a man (or woman, for that matter) is playing tennis, hits a uncharacteristically bad shot and slings his (or her) racket, some would immediately brand them as an angry person.

What if they just had an angry moment?

If a 50 year old woman is feeling sad, it’s ludicrous to instantly drop the M- word and beyond ridiculous to drop the B- word. Maybe she’s just having a bad day.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we need to be a little more careful about jumping the emotional gun. Emotions are a part of life - and, to an extent, we just have to ride them out. Ours as well as others. Besides, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to have the same emotional range as a Cabbage Patch doll - nor would I want to be surrounded by Cabbage Patch humans. We let emotions rattle us far too easily.

Sometimes you just have to ride them out. And, in all fairness, sometimes you have to allow others to do the same.

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

I’ve always been very critical of the use of “hyperactivity” medications on children. Too risky and far too easy for parents to abuse. They’re kids - they’re going to be active! But doctors seem way too anxious to medicate kids and a lot of parents are way too happy to let it go on.

Click HERE for a very disturbing and thought-inviting article on the subject.

A precious, precious young life totally thrown away because of ignorance.

Hyperactive is, more times than not, just another way of pronouncing “Undisciplined.” And by “discipline,” of course, I’m talking about a consistent, calm, mature system of letting the child know what’s right and what’s wrong. And letting them know, and see, what happens when they cross the lines separating the two. I don’t mean yelling, grabbing, slapping, or any other hysterics. That’s just proof that not much separates the adult from the child.

I hope you’ll read the article and see what you think.

Joi

“A man who finds no satisfaction in himself will seek for it in vain elsewhere.” - La Rochefoucauld

I believe that quote, alone, could account for a vast number of addictions people stare down every day. We get so mad at and impatient with people who have addictions or weaknesses, but most of the time the addictions stem from pain, not a desire to inconvenience us.

This is one of the reasons the whole Britney Spears tragedy is, in my opinion, such a sad thing to watch. She’s obviously suffering from at least one addiction. Experts agree that checking oneself into and out of clinics is textbook behavior for addicts - Britney just seems to be doing it more frequently than most. In one day, out the next…

Even the whole hair-shaving saga stemmed from the addiction. Witnesses overheard a fight Britney had with the father of her children, Kevin Federline. He told her that he’d prove her drug addictions by having her hair tested. She immediately went and had her head shaved. Later, she was seen shaving and crying beside a pool at a hotel. She couldn’t get a room because she didn’t have any credit cards or id on her.

How sadly ironic that her story is sharing time in the news now with the train wreck that was Anna Nicole Smith’s life. Another scenario where drugs and alcohol ruined a life and then claimed it way too soon. I can’t even get my mind around what all is coming out in the news about Anna Nicole’s life - or the fact that her body is actually being fought over. It’s as though she’s on trial and, yet, she isn’t even alive to speak for herself. I don’t know, maybe it’s Kharma in a sense - remember the elderly little man she married who became nothing but dollar signs after he passed away?

But, back to Britney - the one who there’s still hope for….albeit a fading hope. Personally, I think the girl has suffered from postpartum depression - probably with both pregnancies. Women have had this affliciton before so badly that they’ve tried to kill themself and/or harm their children. They’re so completely unhappy with themselves and their life that nothing matters except trying to escape or outrun the pain. Depression and addictions walk hand in hand and they never go anywhere worth going.

I really hope that at some point someone will do the thinking and decision making for this 25 year old girl who is, right now, incapable of doing either for herself. Everyone’s talking about her losing her children, but I’m afraid that’s not all she’s in danger of losing. I mean, who’d honestly be surprised to hear that she’d been found just as Anna was? The people in her life need to get that image in their minds and move Heaven and earth to save her from herself.

Happy Monday Morning (and hello, oxymoron!) - what better way to celebrate Monday than by torturing your brain cells?

Click HERE for a fun little quiz that’ll get your brain humming and buzzing. On a Monday, just about any brain activiity is a plus!

Make each brain buzz count double,
~Joi