March 2006

by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.

2. Work at something you enjoy and that’s worthy of your time and talent.

3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.

6. Be generous.

7. Have a grateful heart.

8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.

9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.

10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.

11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.

12. Commit yourself to quality.

13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.

14. Be loyal.

15. Be honest.

16. Be a self-starter.

17. Be decisive even if it means you’ll sometimes be wrong.

18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.

19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.

20. Take good care of those you love.

21. Don’t do anything that wouldn’t make your Mom proud.

These get more amazing each time I read them. There’s a life lesson in each and every one of the 21, and if you have a blog - each of the 21 would make amazing post topics. At least 3 weeks of very, very, very good stuff! Make that great stuff.

Be very careful, though, abiding by them just might change your life!

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

A while back, I wrote a post about a book I’d come across at the local bookstore and couldn’t put down. I called the post Cool Little Book - because it was (and is!) just that.

Well, the author appears to be even cooler. Sandi Bachom left a comment on the post, thanking me, which left me smiling and floating for days, anyway…but then she did even more - and the floating will take place for a very long time. She sent me a couple of her books, autographed with very sweet messages. There’s no reason in the world a successful author in New York should spend time and money on a blogger in Kentucky. Okay, maybe there’s one reason - maybe she’s just the epitomy of graciousness.

Thank you SO much!

After I wrote yesterday’s post, I was reading through one of these wonderful books (Denial is Not a River in Egypt) and I found the following:

That’s perfect! There are also other gems just like this one - on fear, anxiety, denial, insanity, and many more. There are several relating to fear that I’m dying to tell you about - but I’d rather you buy the book! Not only because I want this cool lady to sell truckloads, I want my cool readers to benefit from all of her wit and wisdom.

There are some things in life I recommend utterly without hesitation: God, love, spending time with your family, being honest, reading, baking your own bread, Chinese food, drinking coffee, walking, Gwen Stefani, Lenny Kravitz, Bo Bice, southern fried Buttermilk Chicken, Montgomery Gentry, Dean Koontz, I Love Lucy and Andy Griffith reruns, singing out loud with the radio, Lindt’s White Chocolate Coconut bars, Survivor, Agatha Christie, Paula Deen, Levi’s, Chai Tea, gladiolas, herbs, yoga…..

To my list I add, with 100 percent conviction, read Sandi Bachom. A lot of her writing includes inspiration for those who are overcoming addictions. But take it from me, it isn’t necessary to be in that category to benefit from her words. Personally, I’ve never had to battle an addiction. I don’t say that to boast - I’d actually feel more pride if I were an overcomer and KNEW the strength that lied within me. I simply state it to let you know that if I find her to be incredibly motivating and inspiring, you will also. I also want to encourage you, if you happen to be battling an addiction of some sort - you’ll find amazing support by leaning on this author’s words.

All of us can gain strength and wisdom from her’s. It doesn’t matter if you’re someone who’s battle is in your rearview mirror or out your front window. It doesn’t matter if the only battle you know is life in general (it can be plenty, can’t it?!), pick up both of her books and let them pick you up.

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

First of all, do you know what the little guys in the picture above are?

If you’re from their “neck of the woods” like we are, you’re probably very familiar with them. If not, you’re probably thinking, “What in the holy God’s name….”

They’re possums and there are three that are ten kinds of crazy about our cat’s food. They show up every evening to pig out. It started with the just the mother, Margaret, then she had two babies. No idea why I named her Margaret - I think it was somehting in the eyes that just said, ‘Margaret” to me. Nice name, nice eyes.

A few nights ago, the two smaller ones showed up. One’s called “Pongo” by my husband and the other’s been dubbed “Wuffle Puffle” by my youngest daughter’s best friend. These guys really should leave the naming to the expert.

Anyway, they got positioned in one of our lawn chairs and wouldn’t budge. Normally, they climb up, then down, then scarf up all the food they can find. I’ve even watched as they’ve amused themselves with a few of our cats’ toys. Maragaret actually took off with a cat nip mouse and we haven’t seen him since. This night, however, the two of them seemed scared stiff - their tail WAS, in fact stiff - straight up stiff. The smaller of the two, that would be WP, kept snarling and showing his teeth.

Usually, when any of us come or go, they have the decency to take off. But on this night, as my husband and I left to do our Coffee House run, they froze. When we got back, they were still there - and WP started making that ridiculous face again.

I’m the last person in the world any animal should be afraid of - I’d hurt myself before I’d hurt an animal. In fact, even though they’re a great source of phobic fear, I’ve even swerved to keep from hitting snakes in the road before. So, naturally, I worried about these guys all night. I even went out the door to try to reason with them - they don’t respond well to sweet talk. They were so afraid it broke my heart. I put some extra food on a nearby table and, after about 10 minutes, they decided that the 9 Lives was worth risking their 1.

When they got down from their chair, they even sort of shook - like they were literally shaking the fear off of them! I was finally able to stop fretting about them and go to bed. But I laid there thinking about fear for about an hour.

These little guys were so paralyzed by fear that they were incapable of moving forward, backward, or even sideward. One couldn’t even seem to register an expression. It rendered them gimpy, wooden, unresponsive, senseless, and handicapped.

Fear is a saboteur that leaves its victim incompetent. It has the same effect on those of us who walk on two as those who walk on four. We become just as paralyzed and immobile as my pointy-faced little friends did. No progress, no growth, no advancing. We just stay where we are, stiff-tailed, snarling and making perfect spectacles of ourselves!

We all have our comfort zones - theirs was a lawn chair, ours is often a particular “place” in our lives. Someplace where whe know where everything is and how everything goes. We see people stuck in these chairs every single day - sometimes it’s even in our bathroom mirror. Fear is the main thing that holds people back from getting more and being more. Fear teaches that it’s infinitely more comfortable to remain inside of an addiction than to risk life outside of it. It convinces us that if we try to step outside of our safe harbor, we’ll fail or make fools of ourselves. Possibly both. If we listen to it, then it has made us the biggest type of fool.

It would probably be a good idea to ask ourselves if fear has put any part of our lives in neutral. Are we frozen in a chair? If so, we need to find our inner source of strength, move away from our comfort zone and, most definitely, shake the fear off!

Make each moment out of the chair count double!
~Joi

It’s perfectly normal to feel “kind of down” from time to time. My dad used to sum it up by saying, “Nothing suits me today.” It’s the times when, on our radio of life, we just can’t dial in the station W-HAPPY. Fortunately, there are some ways we can help the reception - and thereby help ourselves tune into the channel we’re after. If we do nothing, and sort of just wallow in the misery, we might just stay on W-CRANKY for days!

Not worth the risk. Below are some mood boosters that have stood the test of time. The next time “nothing suits you,” try them out. What would you have to lose, except the droops?!

• Go to a ballgame. It doesn’t have to be a pro game, although that’s a lot of fun waiting to be had! It could be a college, “frontier league” , or even a high school game. The excitement and energy will lift your spirits, probably even before the game begins.
• Break your tasks down into individual, bite-sized portions. Don’t look at the whole picture - take everything one at a time and whittle away. It helps me to write things down, putting a gratifying check mark in front of each thing as I go along.
• If possible, try to be around at least one other person. If you’re by yourself, your mind will just wander - and when you’re feeling kind of down to begin with, the wandering will probably just take you down further. Many times, the other person will lift your spirits…..and depending upon the person, they may just be so entertaining that you’re soon on top of the world rather than sliding underneath it!
• A little bit of exercise goes a long way. Releasing endorphins brings about a good feeling that will stick around for a while.
• Don’t underestimate “comfort food.” Whether it’s a cup of coffee, a bowl of ice cream or some chocolate pudding - very often just a little treat will point you in the right direction.
• Don’t expect to feel better immediately, and don’t kick yourself for not feeling 100 percent joyous. Tomorrow’s another day, and you’ll probably feel (and the world will probably look) much better.

Have a wonderful weekend - hope it’s beautiful where you are. Our weather here in Western Kentucky needs a mood lifter!

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

Ants Never Cry “Uncle”
Charles Ghigna

Consider the little ant.
He never says, “I can’t.”
And so it comes as no surprise,
He carries things ten times his size.

The Art of Start
Charles Ghigna

Don’t search for inspiration when
You have a task to do;
Just start your work and you will see
That it will soon find you.

Best Laid Plans
Charles Ghigna

A plan is only good if it
Is one that gets recruited;
For good intentions soon will die
Unless they’re executed.

Diamond Mind
Charles Ghigna

The promise of our dreams comes true
When patience minds our goal;
Remember that the diamond once
Was just a piece of coal.

Dreams Allowed
Charles Ghigna

Don’t be afraid to dream aloud
The things you want to do;
Just saying what is in your heart
Will help your dreams come true.

Light Touch
Charles Ghigna

There’s nothing gray about the truth,
It’s simply wrong or right;
For shadows disappear from view
When we stand in the light.

I absolutely love these. What an art, to be able to not only motivate others, but to do so in rhyme! I’m profoundly impressed…..and pretty darned motivated to boot.

Make each motivation count double!
~Joi

Fuzzy-mindedness???

Most women experience some degree of memory loss before, during and after menopause. It’s a normal part of the whole freakish experience!

Forgetting where you put your keys, neglecting to write down checks used in the ledger, forgetting mid-sentence where your thought train was even headed…..all are part of the wild ride that women experience around this period of their lives. The fuzziness of mind is due to a combination of factors - chiefly, hormones and a loss of sleep. Also, quite frankly, this is usually the busiest time of a woman’s life. She’s often busy being everything to everyone, and at a time when she could use more help and support from others - she’s giving all she’s got to others.

The best course is to stay mentally active, maybe even kick it into a higher gear. It would be easy to collapse in front of the tv for 5 hours each night, then curl up with a romance novel for a few more hours - but then a trend will soon take root and while there isn’t anything wrong with television or even romance novels, they won’t exactly light a fire underneath one’s mental boiler. They won’t even light a spark!

Men aren’t off the hook, of course. Around this time in their own lives, they’ll find themselves searching for just the right word, hunting for their cell phone (Even having to call it to locate it!), etc. Again, business and loss of sleep can be responsible for a lot of the problems. Plus, a certain amount of memory decline is natural with age. All the more reason to keep fanning the fires.

So, what would fan the fires and light the much needed sparks?!
1. Crossword puzzles
2. Educational programs
3. Learning something new - take up painting, golf, photography, learn about a new culture, tackle a new language…
4. Historical novels or biographies
5. Taking in more art and culture
6. Writing - whether it’s an offline journal, or an online blog - it’s a great way to force yourself to think….I mean really think, and that is what it’s all about. That’s how our minds get their workouts!

It’s sort of like my arms. I was always athletic and active when growing up: Softball, tennis, volleyball, biking, swimming… Lately, I’ve noticed that arms that once served me (and tennis balls!) very well have become nearly worthless. An arm that once whirled a ball from third base to first so hard that the first base man’s leather popped now does well to open a jar of pickles! The reason is I stopped working at it. I stopped pushing myself, stopped working out - except for yoga… and that’s not exactly a strength-training exercise!

Women and men alike - if we stop working on any part of our beings, they’ll start to “slack off” - whether it’s a throwing arm or a mind - we have to keep pushing ourselves to be stronger, fitter, and better than we were yesterday.

I’m motivated, now, these arms had better look out! And by the end of summer, whoever’s on the other side of the tennis net had better look out - they may never see it coming.

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

Below is an excerpt from a column by Psychiatrist and Author, Er. Edward A. Strecker. The article was published many years ago, but its truth hasn’t faded even the slightest shade.

“Hold prayer in high esteem. It is the foundation of all virtues, and the source of all grace needed to sanctify ourselves and to discharge the duties of our employment.” St. Jean Baptiste De La Salle

Prayer is the language of religion; but it is also a mighty force in our daily life. That is the wisdom expressed in these words by La Salle, the priestly educator…

A doctor sees many examples of the power of prayer. Obviously, there is small value to the mere hasty mumbling of a formula of words. Nor should prayer be the medium of barter with God - “If You do this for me, I will do that for You.” Such prayer is reminiscent of the pack rat, which takes something valuable, perhaps jewelry, leaving in exchange a scrap of paper or a pebble. But true prayer - by which I mean sincerely lifting your mind and heart to God - can change your life.

For example, prayer has an important place in psychiatric treatment. Often the psychiatrist finds it necessary to help the patient relinquish excessive and childish emotional dependencies upon others. Through prayer, the patient can take his troubles to God and find the support and strength he needs.

Only a few years ago the eminent psychoanalyst Jung wrote, “In thirty years I have treated many patients. Among all my patients in the second half of life, every one of them fell ill because he had lost that which the living religions of every age had given their followers, and none of them was really healed who did not regain his religious outlook.”

Here is evidence that La Salle’s words are as true today as when he spoke them long ago as founder of the Christian brothers, who today conduct schools and colleges throughout the world. Now, as always, for the sake of our work in life, we must “hold prayer in high esteem.”

Make each prayer count double,
~Joi

First of all, I have to say that the resilience of New Orleans amazes me. Of course when I say the resilience of New Orleans, I mean it’s people - they came through hell on earth, and they’re not accepting anything less from life than they did before. I love fighters and that’s exactly what they are! Blacks, whites, and colorful combinations of the two - they’re all survivors and it warms my heart to see their community healing.

A recent column by Leonard Pitts, Jr. (a writer syndicated on Editorial pages across the nation, and one of few that I read religiously) addressed the optimism of blacks. I normally hate anything that comes with color guides, but in this case it was totally relevant. He brought up all that his race has overcome throughout history, and you could hear - rightfully so - the pride in his voice.

I think that a great deal of the optimism within the black community has to do with faith. After Hurricane Katrina I pretty much lived on the CNN television channel and website, following our fellow Americans plight and hoping and praying for more survivors and miracles. As they talked to so many of the black survivors, I was struck by their beautiful faith in God. I think that’s why many stayed in the first place - they were living by faith and left it in God’s hands, come what may.

As a history buff, American History is my favorite area to study and the Civil War era is just about as fascinating as it gets. Something that always amazes me is the fact that slaves would sing praises to God as they worked in the fields, in the kitchens, or as they walked to and from one destination to the next. With the suffering they endured, one would expect bitterness and hardness - but they didn’t have time for any of that, they were too busy singing gospel songs, teaching themselves to read with the Bible, and praying for deliverance.

A lot of people, from the Egyptians in the wilderness to the Native Americans and their Trail of Tears, and from the Pilgrims to the Jews have endured hardships, cruelty and their own versions of hell on earth. But each endured and overcame, with optimism and faith. Granted their faith was directed in different directions and was displayed in different ways, but it, alongside optimism, was the common thread that stitched together their survival. They also stitch together survival for millions of people each day - people who struggling and suffering with their own demons - whether they’re battling poverty, cancer, addictions, heart disease, the loss of loved ones, or other cruelties of life. Without optimism, faith and determination the sufferer would be overcome rather than overcome. Overcome is a beautiful word when used as a verb - but a disasterous one when used as an adjective.

Mr. Pitts, Jr. had a passage in his column that I marked with my purple pen of destiny - it’s a marker I keep nearby at all times to blanket the most memorable, fascinating things I come across while reading. It serves as a reminder for me to cut that article out or at least write down the words I’ve circled. It also serves as a pat on the back to the writer for touching my heart and rousing my thoughts.

I’ll let his words close out the post - they need no follow up:

“…if you wonder how optimism can flourish the most among those who have the least, well, maybe when you’ve been weaned on hardship, hardship doesn’t impress you. You do what you’ve got to do, suffer what you’ve got to suffer, to get where you’ve got to get. And after you do, you realize how much of the journey was owed to simple, stubborn guts.” - Leonard Pitts, Jr. - Miami Herald

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

“A weakness of all human beings is trying to do too many things at once.” ~Henry Ford

The word Multitasking is probably the most overly ambitious word in the human language. It suggests that we have far, far too many things to take on one at a time - that we must find a way to do two at once….possibly even three if we’re really stretched. No wonder we live in a society seeking so desperately for secrets to stress management.

We’re tying ourselves up in knots and then wondering why we feel restrained. I’m all for making lists and setting goals, in fact I just blogged toward that end on another blog, but I sometimes wonder if we shouldn’t just dial down a bit on our dial of expectation.

Think for a minute about what life was like 20 years ago…..in society, in general, what would a typical day “look like”? Now think about what life’s like today - what a typical day would “look like.” Today, at a faster, more break-neck pace, appears almost in fast motion! We have more technology, more knowledge, more glitz, and more possessions - but at what price? I think all the books written, and bought, on relaxation and stress answer that question.

Back to multitasking: The quote at the top of this post is by Henry Ford. I came across this quote a week or so ago and have been thinking about it every since. His quotes always have that effect on me, that’s why I search them out!

There’s a great deal of widsom in what he says. After all, if a dentist were giving us a root canal we most definitely wouldn’t want him running back and forth working on an extraction in the next room. The only thing worse would be being in the seat in the other room. We’d want his full attention - not his divided attention. And to a certain degree, that’s exactly what each of our tasks want from us. Our full attention, not our divided attention.

Personally, I think it comes down to priorities. A large part of the solution lies in laying out a plan, determining:

• What absolutely, positively MUST get done.
• What SHOULD get done.
• What you’d LIKE to get done.
• What you could actually DELEGATE to be done.
• What can actually be ELIMINATED, or voted off your island of thought.

We should all check in on our priorities from time to time and see if anything unexpected and unnecessary has crept into town. If they have, they’re taking up valuable real estate that something far better could be built on!

Make each relaxing moment count double,
~Joi

We’re all incredibly interested in strengthening our minds, right? Right! To that end, I found a really interesting article that clues us in on the kinds of foods we should be keeping company with. A few of them were pretty expected, but some were surprises - of the pleasant variety. Check them out.

Make each moment count double,
~Joi