January 2006

There’s a wonderful Newsweek article on MSNBC.com: The Myth of the Midlife Crisis.

The author, Gene Cohen, M.D., PH.D., takes our preconceived notions and beliefs about middle age and annihilates them. But good.

I even learned a new word - bifurcate : To divide into two parts or branches. And, yes, I had to look it up.

Make each moment bifurcated,
~Joi

The following thought-provoking, and soul-stirring message was sent to me through e-mail by my very favoritest aunt: (No, favoritest isn’t actually a word, but Webster would accept it for this aunt.)

Billy Graham’s daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her “How could God let something like this Happen?” (regarding Katrina)

“I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we’ve been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?”

In light of recent events…terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O’Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn’t want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school . the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock’s son committed suicide).
We said an expert should know what he’s talking about. And we said OK.

Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with “WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.”

Ironic, isn’t it? The same people yelling for His dismissal are now asking “Where is He?!”

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

There’s a pretty interesting article on CNN, Beauty standards grows more accepting.

It details how our attitudes are shifting about overweight people. Since 2/3 of Americans fall into the category of overweight, I guess this shift is understandable.

It’s an interesting read.

Another reason (as if anyone would need one) for women to battle against depression with everything in their arsenal is the fact that it triggers early menopause.

A study from Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital shows that women who suffer from depression are twice as likely to enter early menopause as women without mood disorders.

Since early menopause has been linked to heart disease and other serious illnesses, researchers urge women to seek medical help with their depression. Of course, anyone - male or female - should take depression seriously. It wants to take the smile off your face and the laughter out of your life, don’t allow it to do either!

For more on depression, see The Mental Fitness Center and Self Help Daily. (Each link will open in a new window.)

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

I found a website that’s deliciously entertaining yet very educational as well. How Stuff Works is the ultimate overachieving website - it attempts to explain the way the world, and everything in it, works. That’s all.

It’s really a great site. Check it out, you’ll love that you did.

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

Although it wasn’t a huge deal - and just a small spot on the radar screen of life, actually - I recently dropped the ball.

I’m thinking of it in terms of back when I played softball. I’m in my normal position on third base, the ball is hit to me….I position myself right underneath its trajectory, open up my Rawlings, listen as the leather and ball meet with a snap, then blooey….I fail to tighten my glove around the ball and the ball rolls out onto the ground.

Only, this time it was in my day to day existence, and involved one of the people I love more than life itself - one of my daughters.

Have you ever seen a situation headed in a certain direction and just felt like no good will come from it? I saw this with one of my girl’s, but didn’t really want to interfere. Of course, if it were something major that would affect their health, safety, or something like that I would have all kinds of interfered! But, in some of the other areas - like dress, friends, music, etc. - you have to pick your battles wisely, at least when they get to the age of 16 and beyond. If you address EVERY single thing a young person does or thinks or says, they’ll begin hearing only clicks and whistles. Besides, some lessons just have to be learned firsthand.

However, with hindsight being what it is (20/20), I now wish that I’d said something.

I’ve been dancing around the subject, out of respect to my daughter - but I’m beginning to fear that in doing so I might be leading one to think that the dropped ball was worse than it was….or that she had done something horribly wrong. So, I’ll go on and say that it was a falling out she had with a friend.

In the weeks leading up to their fight, I’d noticed her attitude shifting. I wish, now, that I’d taken her out for a chocolate shake and sat down and talked things out with her. Maybe I could’ve made her realize how imp0rtant, ultimately, the friendship was. But, again, I didn’t tighten my grip when I should have.

And the ball dropped.

I’m hoping that things will work out, but I’m not too optimistic. Pride…..are you familiar with the word? The principles in this drama certainly are.

At any rate, I wanted to encourage everyone (including myself) to go with their gut feeling. If something feels wrong, it usually is. And, while I certainly don’t know everything, I’m convinced that it’s almost always best to speak up rather than to shut up. You can over-think a situation to death: “Well, I should say something…but will she think I’m butting in? I don’t want her to think I’m treating her like a baby…Maybe I’m wrong….etc.”

It’s very possible that if I had done the chocolate milkshake and talk thing, the fight would have still taken place. Actually, it’s very likely, given the specifics, but I’ll never know.

And that’s the thing that makes my skin an uncomfortable place to live in right now.

Make every moment count double,
~Joi

“What wound did ever heal but by degrees?” - Shakespeare

My oldest daughters, Emily and Brittany, have always been ridiculously busy…running here, running there, getting into this while keeping that merrily on their radar. They’re just 13 months apart, so they were always partners in crime. When we heard a crash, we’d always hear Britt say, “Uh Oh” while Em tried to shoosh her. (Emily always figured the best tactic would be to try to repair the damage without anyone being the wiser - nevermind the fact the bams and bangs always came before the “Uh Oh.”

Anyway, the twosome always managed to get cuts and scrapes - usually on their knees or elbows. Often they’d get the injuries on the same day, but the healing almost always differed in duration. Emily, for all her wonderful traits, is a scab picker. She comes by it honest - I’m the champion, after all. So, being a picker, her wounds always took longer to heal. Britt never so much as touched her scabs, let alone picked at them (although when they were 3 and 4 Emily would try to pick them for her.)

I was thinking about emotional wounds the other day - I was writing an article - and it ocurred to me that if we would treat our emotional wounds the way we SHOULD treat our physical wounds, they’d heal a lot faster.

Have you ever known someone who had endured something really bad who insisted on reliving it again and again and again? I’ve always thought that each time you review or retell something, you relive it….feeling the emotions all over again. And again. And again.

Yes, some things need to be talked out - but only if doing so is productive, and only up to a point. Each time an incident is relived, it’s equilavent to peeling back the scab on a physical wound and pouring nail polish remover over the exposed flesh. Not only does it hurt, it ain’t helping the healing process one bit! The word sadistic kind of comes to mind.

Now having said all that, many people relive situations in order to help others - and many times, in doing so, they feel the pain over and over, yet they want to help other people through darkness they’ve been through, so they make the sacrifice. That’s something different all together, and I wish I could give them each a big ol’ Kentucky hug.

Wounds - be they physical or emotional - need time to heal. And the sooner we stop opening them up to look inside, the sooner they’ll do so.

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

I was catching up on all the important news this morning. You know, seeing if Lindsay Lohan was still the only one in Hollywood with enough character to ‘fess up, seeing what the stars of Lost had Found to get into next…you know, important news (the other is too danged depressing.) Anyway, I came across a story that made me kinda sick.

The Megaplex at Jordan Commons in Sandy (a suburb of Salt Lake City) is refusing to show the new movie Brokeback Mountain with Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. The movie is about two cowboys who discover that they have feelings for one another. Love. Basically, it’s a movie about L.O.V.E. But, since it isn’t the definition of the love that the people in charge use, they aren’t showing the film. Oh, please do keep reading…it gets better.

Gayle Ruzicka, president of the conservative Utah Eagle Forum, said not showing the film set an example for the people of Utah. “I just think (pulling the show) tells the young people especially that maybe there is something wrong with this show,” she said.

Okay, so can we deduce that the people of Utah are “spared” movies involving actual crimes? How about vampires?

The Lord of the Rings had murder, lying, greed….was it a no no, too?

I know, I’m being facetious - and I’m not wild about the way it looks on me, but I’m just trying to make a point. You know as well as I do, if we went back and took a look at all the movies this theatre has shown, or even is showing - the films would be full of murderers, rapists, kidnappers, thugs, etc.

But they’re most afraid of what? Gay cowboys?

I’ll bet if it were about a polygamist cowboy they’d show it. And show it. And show it.

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

“The moment of enlightenment is when a person’s dreams of possibilities become images of probabilities.” – Vic Braden

I love the concept of taking a dream of possibility and turning it into an image of probability. Absolutely all kinds of love it.

I do a lot of reading - from cookbooks to Mental Floss and from Glamour Magazine to Shakespeare - and a concept I’m hit between the eyes with again and again is that success in anything starts in the mind.

• A salesman or woman isn’t a great one until they become one first in their own mind.
• Our relationships are only as good as we decide they’ll be.
• A student will only do as well as they’re prepared to do.
• A parent will only raise the kind of child they intend to raise.
• An entreprenuer will achieve the amount of success he or she sets their mind to achieve.

We are so quick to point fingers at people around us, our circumstances, our surroundings, the clock, etc… But, more than anything, if we want to put our finger on what’s really to blame if things aren’t where we want them to be, we need to take that pointing finger, put it on our temple and do a gentle little tap tap tap.

Positive and productive thoughts are power vitamins for the mind. Just as surely as negative, ridiculous thoughts are poisonous to everything they touch.

It’s something to think about. Literally.

Make each positive thought count double and as for the negative ones…. Uproot them and plant two positive ones in its place.

~Joi