July 2005

Continuing this week’s Relaxation Theme….

When dealing with the art of relaxation, alot of things come into play. You can try to quiet the world around you, but you’ll only be able to get so far.

You can create an ideal “quiet place”, but you certainly can’t be in it at all times. Even if you could, you’d cease to live as much as you’d just hide. No future in that.

The true solution for finding a more relaxed lifestyle lies externally rather than internally. When you’re able to quiet your “inner world”, then and only then can you hope to quiet the “outer world.” As with just about everything you’ll ever attempt, you have to look inside as opposed to outside.

You have to make peace WITH yourself before you can ever make peace FOR yourself.

It all starts with self-acceptance. No one is perfect - and as simplistic, worn out and thread-bare as the phrase is - it still doesn’t hit home with most of us. Each time we make a mistake or come up short in some way, we’re astounded at best….depressed at worst. When we drop the ball, we have to adopt a mentality of “I learned from that and will be a better person because of it.” Instead, we generally get down to the point of thinking that we’re a worse person because of the lesson.

No student was ever dumbed-down because of a lesson, it’s the missed lessons that cause that.

Make a habit of telling yourself daily: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, I’m good-looking enough. I like me……hell’s bells, who wouldn’t?!” (Or something to that effect.)

Make every moment count double,
~Joi
TMFC

I keep on dying again.
Veins collapse, opening like the
“Small fists of sleeping
Children.
Memory of old tombs,
Rotting flesh and worms do
Not convince me against
The challenge. The years
And cold defeat live deep in
Lines along my face.
They dull my eyes, yet
I keep on dying,
Because I love to live.”

- Maya Angelou

Continuing this weeks Relaxation Theme…

“Find your quiet place”. A phrase typically used when someone needs to “regroup”, “calm down”, or “unwind”. The place in question, in these instances, is actually a “frame of mind” as opossed to an actual physical location.

By contrast, what I’m suggesting today is the importance of finding a PHYSICAL quiet place in your home. A place where you can retreat to relax your body, refresh your spirit, and renew your mind. Somewhere you can shed the cares and stresses of the world layer by layer.

This will, I know sound all “new” and “odd”, but isn’t it kind of time for something new, no matter how odd it sounds?

When you have this place picked out, don’t EVER let any worries or negative thoughts intrude upon it. If you happen to be in your quiet place, and the burdens of the world overtake your mind, either quiet them or move to another spot. Just do not allow these thoughts into your quiet place. Don’t let them crash the relaxation party! God knows they’ll try.

Where should this spot of serenity be? Someplace comfortable, a place where you can sit or lie and grab all the “down time” you need. It may be your living room couch, a recliner in the den, your bed, a chair at your kitchen table (for those of us who get antsy if we’re too far from the coffee maker), or a comfortable chair at your computer desk. Truth be told, you probably all ready have a “spot” - you just haven’t been following the rules.

In the coming days, I’ll give you more relaxation exercises (in addition to the one posted in the Relaxation category.), visualizations, as well as other relaxation tips and ideas. Your special place will be THE PLACE to do these in. It’s also the perfect spot to read, listen to music, talk with family - just as long as you don’t talk about stressful subjects.

TIP: When is the last time you read Poetry? Please don’t tell this poet addict that it was High School English, unless you want me to cry. Go to the category Versification and refamiliarize yourself with this art of arts. Then, go grab a book by Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson , William Shakespeare, Elizabeth Barrett Browning , Robert Browning, Maya Angelou, T.S. Eliot, etc. - or an anthology. Poetry somehow puts your soul in agreement with all that is serene.

Make each moment count double,
~Joi
The Mental Fitness Center

Continuing this weeks Relaxation Theme…

You’ve, no doubt, heard the phrase “Find your quiet place”. It’s typically used when someone needs to “regroup”, “calm down”, or “unwind”. The place in question, in these instances, is actually a “frame of mind” as opossed to an actual physical location.

By contrast, what I’m suggesting today is the importance of finding a PHYSICAL quiet place in your home. A place where you can retreat to relax your body, refresh your spirit, and renew your mind. Somewhere you can shed the cares and stresses of the world layer by layer.

This will, I know sound all “new” and “odd”, but isn’t it kind of time for something new, no matter how odd it sounds?

When you have this place picked out, don’t EVER let any worries or negative thoughts intrude upon it. If you happen to be in your quiet place, and the burdens of the world overtake your mind, either quiet them or move to another spot. Just do not allow these thoughts into your quiet place. Don’t let them crash the relaxation party! God knows they’ll try.

Where should this spot of serenity be? Someplace comfortable, a place where you can sit or lie and grab all the “down time” you need. It may be your living room couch, a recliner in the den, your bed, a chair at your kitchen table (for those of us who get antsy if we’re too far from the coffee maker), or a comfortable chair at your computer desk. Truth be told, you probably all ready have a “spot” - you just haven’t been following the rules.

In the coming days, I’ll give you more relaxation exercises (in addition to the one posted in the Relaxation category.), visualizations, as well as other relaxation tips and ideas. Your special place will be THE PLACE to do these in. It’s also the perfect spot to read, listen to music, talk with family - just as long as you don’t talk about stressful subjects.

Make each moment count double,
Joi

When I was a teenager, I had a beautiful blue and white Ford Granada. The world became my Garden of Eden the day my mom got me that car. I would drive it across town just to drive it across town. Loved that car. Loved me in that car.

When I drove it to the mall (teen girl=daily), I’d park, like, a mile away so it wouldn’t get hit, scratched, sneezed on, annoyed……Then, on my walk into the mall, I’d glance back at “her” about 20 times, just to see what she looked like sitting there. She’d always be bright and shiny, daily washing and waxing saw to that.

One hideous day, between Prince and Pat Benatar, I could hear a weird noise coming from her bosom (the car’s, not Pat’s).

Teen Joi’s Mind: “If I tell dad, he’ll totally panic and want to take her to the shop or something lame like that. When Mom’s car was in the shop, “he” was gone for a whole week. Screw that! The noise will just go away. It’s not THAT big of a noise….and, here, if I turn Benatar way up, the clump clump grrr goes away…”

Seemed reasonable at the time. It wasn’t. The vehicle of my dreams got worse (go figure) and ultimately spent a month in the shop! Can you imagine how long that month seemed? Suffice to say a lot longer than a week would have been. But the real kicker was, my dad said that the problem my car had could have been taken care of by him, in our own freaking driveway if I had told him the very first day.

There are a heck of a lot of “noises” in our life that we should pay more attention to….as in immediately, BEFORE THEY GET WORSE. A lot of ticking time bombs are walking around, drowning out the ticking noise with other sounds the way I used 80’s music (of course then it was just music) on the radio.

The tough part is that most people fail to realize they’re ticking! Sure, they may hear it initially, but they become experts at “turning up the radio” and ignoring it.

Big mistake. One you could pay for with a heart-related illness, a breakdown, or even death. Please read the questions below and, if you recognize yourself in any of them, make relaxation a priority - carve out more time in your day to totally relax and unwind.

1. When you are away from work, are the majority of your thoughts ABOUT work?

I’d wager to say that in this day and time, not many of us could get through all 8 questions in a manner that’d make a doctor grin. Also, something I’ve found is that, your answers will vary from week to week - so frequently ask yourself the questions and look for a trend.

It all comes down to taking the time to “look under your hood” and addressing any problems before it’s too late. It’s worth noting that a few of the questions/answers could point toward depression, which is nothing if not stressful. Again, just take a long honest look at yourself and at your life.

Imagine the person closest to you. If THEY led YOUR lifestyle would you be okay with that, or would you tell them to slow down before they break down. Now, realize how your lifestyle affects them, and ask yourself where they’d be without you. If you won’t take care of yourself for you, I’d be willing to bet you’d do it for them.

For the next week, each post will be about relaxation, quieting the noises of life, dealing with stress, etc. Even if you aren’t in dire need of mental repose, you could only improve your life with a little more relaxation.

One final test: Take note right now of your facial muscles. Are your teeth clinched as you’re reading or is there space between them? Is your jaw relaxed or tense? If they’re clinced and tense, go to the Relaxation category (from the links at the left) and look for the post titled, “A great relaxation exercise”.

This has, I realize been a long post, but this is a very important subject and I didn’t want to rush through it. You’re too important for that.

“Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important.” - Natalie Goldberg in O Magazine.

Make every nap count double!
~ Joi

P.S. The blue and white granada from my mom is long gone and it’s place in my heart has been filled with a beautiful snow-white Dodge. My husband got it for me for my birthday a few years back. I park her far away from potential harm as well, and glance back to see the sun shining off of her. (Of course, trips to the mall are outnumbered by trips to the grocery store these days as I’m more about eating than cruising at this point.)

Learning from past mistakes, I now go to the extreme of reporting every wheeze “she” has. That may seem overly observant, but when you care about something, it’s ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS better safe than sorry. And if it’s true of a vehicle, how true must it be of a human being?

“Sea waves are green and wet,
But up from where they die,
Rise others vaster yet,
And those are brown and dry.

They are the sea made land
To come at the fisher town,
And bury in solid sand
The men she could not drown.

She may know cove and cape,
But she does not know mankind
If by any change of shape,
She hopes to cut off mind.

Men left her a ship to sink:
They can leave her a hut as well;
And be but more free to think
For the one more cast-off shell.”

-Robert Frost

“Here’s a sigh to those who love me
And a smile to those who hate;
And whatever sky’s above me,
Here’s a heart for every fate.”

- Lord Byron

EXCERPT: You’ve got, got, got to read this book!

I have a book to recommend that you simply HAVE to read. I couldn’t put it down! Whether you are or aren’t an American….are conservitive or are liberal , it doesn’t matter, a great read is a great read:

I have a couple of affiliations with online booksellers, but I’m not even going to use them. Ordering online would take too long! Go out to your nearest department store or bookstore and buy “100 People Who Are Screwing Up America : (and Al Franken Is #37)” to-day. It was written by Bernard Goldberg, who just became one of my favorite authors. (Dean Koontz, meet Bernard Goldberg….Bernard Goldberg, meet Dean Koontz).

Great book, very well-written, very insightful and informative and extremely funny. There are a few people amongst the 100 who are even dumber than I gave them credit for. I marvel at Mr. Goldberg’s brass nerve to call them all out on the rug. Get. The. Book.

I know you’ll be rushing out in a few days to buy the new Harry Potter book, so grab this one, too….and read it first!

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

P.S. Why haven’t you left to get the book yet?

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
“Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.”

- Elizabeth Barret Browning

Is it just me, or does the world at large seem to be in a rotten mood? I’m not even referring to cretin terrorists, they have far worse problems than nasty dispositions. They’ll each get theirs in this life or the next.

I’m talking about otherwise normal Baseball pitchers going berserk on cameramen, the need for a phrase like “road rage” to even exist, and the scowling soreheads you see everyday.

In regards to the most recent public tantrum, why couldn’t ESPN - with their first coverage (of, like, a gazillion), just say, “Kenny Rogers, off his nut, took on the role of a pit bull, while casting a photographer in the role of an alley cat. Now on to news.” He wasn’t the first to go postal, he won’t be the last. He’s just one of many, he was just unfortunate enough to be caught on tape. Make a note of that, don’t ever create a scene in front of people who earn their living by people creating scenes.

Why IS everyone so danged edgy and disaggreable anymore? You go to a ballgame, fans are boo-hissing their own players. You drive across town, people try to run over you or give your vehicle an enema - and heaven forbid they think you’re in their precious way, then you get the redneck salute. I’ve had two different women give me the finger of fools in the past year. Big fat, ugly disagreeable women who probably reek of armpit. I don’t hold grudges though.

God sent manna down to the Hebrew people, to feed them in the wilderness. I so wish he’d send sedative-laden rain down on humans today! Douse everyone but good - turn all the frowns to smiles, the boos to cheers, the redneck salutes to waves.

I just can’t figure out what’s come over people, but most have their nasty on up to their furrowed brow. My daughter, who works in a pizza restaurant, often tells me about customers who are hateful and rude. There’s a theme developing, apparently. Women between the ages of 40-70 become hounds of hell when told they have to pay for bottled water. WHAT?? Does the water company give them theirs for free? Does the cashier at the store refuse their money for bottled water with a “Nah, that’s free.” Lemon pusses.

And, have you ever seen the faces people will make while waiting for their order, to say nothing of the whining and belly-aching? If it’s so excruciating, why don’t they just stay home and cook for themselves?! Maybe that would hurt even worse. I swear, a woman in Cracker Barrel recently looked like she was about to cry over meatloaf she felt wasn’t warm enough. (It wasn’t the only cold thing at that table!) Same gal would’ve sued if it were too hot. I always wish I had a big mirror to whip out and show them how freakin’ ugly they look. But then they’d turn on me, and I’m not about that.

Why can’t the average Joe and Jane Crank realize that these people, whether they’re athletes, store clerks, waitresses, cooks - whatever - are all doing their job, they’re all trying to get by - like all of us. Why won’t they conserve their energy and outrage for things that really truly matter. Their little bity annoyances amount to squat on the grand scale of life.

Is their world so tiny that these little bity things seem huge in it? Now is that sad, or what? Maybe if they made their world larger and broadened their scope the small things of the world would resume thier rightful size. If everyone spent more time looking at the world around them and the needs of others, and less time looking at themselves and worrying about “getting their fair share”, the world would be a better place.

If I had the time, the inclination and wasn’t such a chickenshoot, I would approach each whining, griping curmudgeon and ask them if it’s REALLY worth it. I’d ask them if they’d like to go with me to a hospital and tell all the cancer patients how bad THEY have it. I mean, after all, what is fighting for your life compared to having to wait for a freshly cooked meal. Do they realize how many people would trade places with them in a heartbeat? Maybe they could drive downtown and whine to a homeless man about having to pay that $1.25 for water. I doubt any of these people would shed a single tear for them or their “traumas”, but I further doubt any of the whiners would go with me in the first place. They’d just salute me.

Make each moment count double,
~Joi

P.A. (”Post” Ammendment): A few hours after typing this post, I was out amongst the savages. A man in a huge white truck with an Indiana license plate pulled out in front of me, sending me onto the shoulder of the road. He glanced back in his big rear view mirror, I guess expecting to take his punishment. I gave him my best….smile, that is. I’ll bet he’s still wearing the look of utter shock on his face.